Can I See That?
by annat08
Summary: Rey and Kylo Ren have recovered their friendship. While Kylo cannot convince her to undertake training with him, he does convince her to undertake a less extensive mission. This is Reylo and perkier than my prior offering. It still has bad language and sex, so if you prefer chaste, you want to scurry off to something else.
1. Chapter 1

"Did you do anything to fix the lightsaber?"

This catches Rey off guard. The tingling sense that a bond connection was forming had led her to seek privacy, but now it has snapped into place. Kylo's dark clad figure is now present. His question causes her to consider. It was important enough for her to gather the pieces before she fled the Supremacy. She has stored the broken saber in a box, but the crystal is shattered. There is nothing she can do until she replaces the shattered power source.

"No. I don't know much about the crystal."

"I do."

Rey feels Kylo Ren puff with the knowledge he can impart. He's well educated, trained, sophisticated, and yet he craves respect. If she cuts him off he'll sulk. She's learned to let him run with these moments. The many months since Crait has softened the edges of their exchanges, and while still sometimes volatile, they have formed a secret relationship that none of her Resistance friends would ever understand.

"Fine," she rolls her eyes. "What do you know?"

"It's a regular pilgrimage Jedi undertake: endure the climb, harvest the crystals, and build their weapon."

"Pilgrimage to where?"

"I'll meet you there."

"I cannot go someplace I'll be…"

"Stop being dramatic, Rey?" He is impatient. "I said I'd meet you, not capture you. I could find you if I tried."

"What?"

"Your power is detectable. I could find it if I mediated and searched. I know something about the world you're hiding on. Probably enough with some time."

She shakes loose and rises abruptly. She's worried she's revealed too much. She's endangered everyone and there are not enough of them left. She is ready to run when he catches her hand and freezes her attempt to vacate the room. He looms over her.

"Calm down. I haven't done that."

"You could," she is staring into his eyes and they are dark pools.

She can struggle and work her way free. He'd deserve a swift kick in the balls for his tactics. He might have more sophistication, but he frequently resorts to bullying. She's gotten further with him when she isn't scrapping for fights in ways he is likely to win. He's telling her to calm down. He should be less handsy about it, but the message is not to run down the hall stirring panic. She takes a deep breath and stills. She expects him to let her up. He hesitates longer than he should. Her expression sobers up that flash from him that was hoping for a welcoming reaction.

"Fine," she relents. "You are not coming to bomb us to dust."

"The First Order," he corrects.

"You are the First Order."

"Obviously I am not. I am commanding, but it is not me."

"What were we talking about? And could you back off?"

Kylo Ren moves and gives her a hand up. "Sorry."

"You are not," she calls him on it.

He gives a hint of a smile. "Ok, I'm not exactly sorry, except that I still owe you an apology for treating you that way."

"I'd rather you _were_ sorry than just observing the formalities."

"I'd rather we dispensed with a lot of formalities," he still gives her space. Despite his words he's moved back to a respectful distance.

"You need a Kyber crystal. You shouldn't go hunting for them alone. I'll send you the coordinates. We can meet there in three days. We can go, maybe work through the part where you need to get a better handle on your power and you can come to realize the gap between what you are capable of doing and what you can manage without guidance."

"Stop being dramatic."

"I'm not," he doesn't wink, grin or otherwise hint this is a joke. "You have a tremendous potential. You have to cultivate the practices needed to control it. It is stronger than you realize."

"Why would you help your enemy?"

She focuses and knows that she's strengthened her projection. "Our connection is so strong we can touch," she makes the point by placing her hand on his. His fingers curl around to hold hers so they cannot withdraw.

"You are not my enemy," he says firmly.

He doesn't revisit what happened in the throne room. Their worlds are upended and no one in their respective camps would understand how they can find common ground. The bond enforces their interactions and they've managed to release unceasing hostility. They are both prickly about revealing anything that might be repurposed by the opposition, but it turns out that neither Rey nor Kylo Ren are strictly their jobs. There are things they can confer about without endangering their colleagues.

"Do you ever meditate? I never catch you meditating."

"I meditate," she grouses

"Force meditation. It's not as simple as just relax and breathe deeply. You have to open the currents and connect to them."

"I'll try," she frowns. He has infinite confidence and it translates as arrogance. "Why does it matter?"

He shakes his head. "You are an instrument of the Force. Your fellow rebels are counting on you to cultivate your abilities. They expect you to be their weapon against me."

"They also want peace and prosperity. That is not the results of a light saber."

Kylo tsks and her immaturity. "Peace and prosperity take diligence and protection. It requires weapons."

"Only because…"

"If it wasn't me it would be some alternate figure. You know the First Order is your primary concern because you don't have the bandwidth to contemplate the minor aggressors."

Rey isn't so dumb that she is inexperienced with the idea that strength deters violence. She's always sustained an aggressive posture to discourage casual violence in the public spaces on Jakku. Her alternative was to take refuge in the isolated desert space away from the outpost.

"Does General Organa know how?"

She softens her tone because Leia is a sore spot with him. He feels she abandoned him. He will no forgive her, except he knows it will change to regret when it is too late.

"You can ask her," he withholds the sarcasm. "I don't think she'll know."

"It's not warm on Ilum. We have to go up into the mountains. You need to dress for the cold."

"I don't think I can..." She still leans closer so their shoulders touch. He gives her the location.

"Three days, from today," he repeats softly.

"Do you want to repair Luke's saber or build your own?"

She's always felt awkward about Luke's weapon. It wanted her, it came to her, but she never wanted to possess it. She shivers. All the same, she feels strongly she cannot offer it to him. It is not his.

"I always wanted Luke to take it back. He wouldn't. It got stuck with me."

Kylo Ren remembers the object responding to her summons. He resents the pull. "My grandfather built it. Luke inherited it. He made another, later, of his own design."

"You are still angry it is mine, not yours."

Kylo Ren's breathing is relaxed. He's had time to reflect on this. It isn't as simple as she took it from him. There is more at work given how the weapon has responded. "I'm not angry. It should be mine. I don't understand."

"Neither do I," she reminded him.

"Three days." The connection dissipates suddenly.


	2. Chapter 2

Leia does not recognize what Rey is referring to when she asks about Force meditation. She admits she has made no study of the Force despite her brother's efforts. Rey asks for and receives a ship to use. Leia provides her credits so she can outfit for a colder climate. Rey won't tell them where she's going. She has said nothing of meeting the First Order's Supreme Leader at her destination, but in a brief exchange Leia proves she knows more than Rey reveals.

"I can sense his presence. I know you are in contact with him and it terrifies me you are trusting him. He will try to seduce you to the dark side. He has every reason to take you from us."

Rey sees fear and distrust behind those words. A woman who lost a man she loved - the father of her child. She cannot see her son in the figure of Kylo Ren any longer. She regrets his passing while he lives still. It is a cloying sadness. Rey cannot stay in its presence.

"I'll be all right," she knows this is inadequate reassurance and she offers it all the same.

Rey will never be without the Force, so rather than allow Leia to offer the blessing, she does and then goes to the ship. As she approaches there is nothing less than a gauntlet of her friends all showing their concern and doubt.

"Finn, Rose, Poe," she seeks to shut it down. "Please. I've heard what you have to say and I still plan to go. I will return when I finish."

"Why can't one of us go with you? At least know what world?" Finn protests.

"It is a Jedi thing," she finally waves her hand dismissively. She can sense another party watching her speak. He's remaining silent for the moment, but she can feel him and knows if she looks he'll be amused to hear her provide such an excuse.

"Take a beacon so you can find us," Poe presses the device to her hand. "Our situation is too precarious to promise we can stay here until you return."

She lets her fingers close around it and he kisses her cheek and although Kylo Ren is only seeing her, he recognizes the personal nature of the embraces she gives. The way her eyes are traveling, she is with others and responding to them.

"Enough already. Tell them goodbye and get in your ship," he grumbles. She ignores his impatience.

When she does finally climb aboard the small snub ship. She waves to her friends and also to Kylo as a signal she will meet him there. Long goodbyes avoiced. Planning to see him is a different collection of knots and uncertainties.

When she is aloft she makes her first stop at an outpost trading zone on the way. She haggles for supplies she needs. He's told her they will go to the mountains. She researched what she could about this and the variations of outfitting were too much to easily prepare. She decides to go with basics. He told her to dress warm and she brings food and a way to carry her gear.

She has a small simple box holding the shattered saber remnants. It was a question. Did she want to repair Luke's, really Vader's blade, or will she build her own? She is not walking the path either of those two men walked, she is forging her own way. The item, even shattered, speaks to Kylo's darker impulses. She senses he wants it. Covets it. It is a link for him to his grandfather.

The requirements of dressing more warmly require layers. She has never worn so many items simultaneously in her life. The outfitter insists each layer is crucial. Form fitting layer close to her body, looser layer on top, more above that. Socks, boots, gloves and hats and a carryall so she can tote around this doubling of her personal possessions. She finishes and after taking meal at the local eatery, she returns to her ship, pays the docking fees for her fuel and landing then departs.

When she arrives in the airspace above Ilum, there is a vibrant planet, covered in snow and ice with bursts of hardy foliage peaking from the frosted spaces. It is devoid of the kind of com traffic that even a lightly populated world generates. The orbiting pathways are pristinely silent of broadcasted noise. She takes an approach and as she noses her vessel down into the atmosphere for a circuit before she homes to her landing coordinates.

His ship is cradled with wings folded up. There is no activity around it. She cannot spot him, but the clearing is edged by thick ground cover, and he could be nearby. She doesn't believe he offered this as a trap. She probably trusts him too much for her own good. She picks a position and lands her craft. She powers it down. She unhooks her harness and leaves her helmet in the cockpit. She climbs down and decides that getting her gear will make more sense when she knows where she is taking it. Time to locate Kylo.

She walks first to his ship. She touches the door panel and the door opens and the ramp extends. Walking aboard it, she is struck by the newness of the vessel. It is shiny and smooth. No scuffs, dents, weathering or stains on the surfaces. It is immaculate. It is large. The main hold leads to a command and control bridge where there is room for three across at the panels: One for a pilot, a copilot, and a weapons officer. She initiates the board and admires the controls. The design is versatile enough to allow for the single pilot to run all the systems singlehandedly.

"You would miss the excitement of a ship held together with wire and gum," his voice comes from behind her. The shuttle she's borrowed is in no better shape then the Falcon. He might mean either vessel.

He's approached silently. Watched her. He indicates the chair and as she sits. Its mechanisms adjust for her height and size to bring her optimally towards the bank of controls. He takes the copilot's seat.

"Do you want to take it up?"

Rey does. She loves piloting. She has spent her life taking the pieces out of these ships and never getting the feel of them soaring. To be in one that flies makes her feel light, giddy, and free. It was a ship that finally took her from Jakku and from a life of quiet desperation. He has already primed the engine sequences that bring the powerful motors on line. As they hit their threshold she transfers controls to her bank.

Glancing over her shoulder towards him she smiles as she reaches for the controls and the bird's wings unfold as the thrust brings it off the landing pad. It moves with grace and agility as she takes it over the trees and opens the throttle. She circles back towards the large mountain range. The sensors go wild and she is forced to manually control the ship. It weaves between the peaks and dips into the canyons. She adds speed as she can and has not topped out the capabilities of his craft. There are animals on this planet, but if there are civilized habitations she is not seeing them. She suddenly feels self-conscious. She is here, with him, on his ship, flying his ship. She hasn't said hello.

Returning to the place he'd chosen before, she lands the vessel. She powers it down and he finishes the landing processes from the secondary panel.

"Thank you," she can't suppress the joy she's feeling. It permeates the smile she shows him as she says this.

He's playing sphinx as he leans back prior to rising from the chair. He's dressed as casually as she's ever seen him. Dark greys still give the somber cast, but the materials are not militaristic this time. He isn't wearing gloves. His boots are rugged, but not polished to a shining reflection. His hair is thick and loose. His eyes are not as relaxed as the rest of him. They take in everything about her. Measuring her constantly.

They have been in each other's presence countless times through their bond, but the few times in person have been harrowing. He is holding back. Is he nervous? Is she? She was. Now she isn't. She stands, too. Then she steps into his space and wraps her arms around him. She feels his surprise at her familiar greeting. They've worked their way up to this point more than once through the bond but now in person the act is more. It is touch, warmth, scent, and sound. She sighs softly as she feels his arms close around her.

"You're here," he soaks in the feel of her.

"We both are."

She lets her fingers crawl lightly against the soft knitting of his shirt. He's real. Solid. They are not in mortal danger. He won't disappear in a flicker. Her trust is childishly complete. He releases his tension more slowly but as he relaxes, h tightens his hold on her. He overcomes his innate reserve.

"There is a cabin," he tells her. "We can use it for our base until we are ready to strike out for the crystals."

Cabin is a lowly structure for the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Not so, a scavenger and Resistance fighter. She follows him and it is every bit the simple, building. No mechanicals that he did not bring with him. Basic room with primitive cooking and heating that rely on fire. It is a single room with no separations. It is bare floored. The space is clean of dust and debris, but spare of much reflecting comfort, too. There are simple windows covered in translucent materials. The cold of the area has covered the panes in frost so what light shines through is diffused. The space is quickly descending into the gloom of evening. He helps her bring her gear and she doesn't speak to the fact that there is one bed within the structure.

Kylo ignites some dried kindling in the fireplace and once the blaze is going he places larger pieces of wood on top. She watches him do these things. The warm light pushing back the shadows. Rey offers him the constituted rations she's unpacked and he sits with her and accepts the meal. They shuck off the coats but the room is still chilled, so they sit on the floor in front of the fire.

"You lived off of these," he is thoughtful as he chews.

"Yes," she answers, sensing his underwhelming enthusiasm, although he holds back criticism.

"I'll make the food tomorrow." He doesn't complain but he wants something different.

She considers his terms acceptable. If he imagined she was going to cook he was needing the correction. She was well versed in not starving. She had no culinary talents.

"This space is cozy."

It suits her but she's keenly aware he's said nothing about the provisions for sleeping.

"Is it too small?" he asks carefully. "There is space, if we need it, on the ship. The shower shipboard is better than the provisions here."

" _Is it too small_?" she slows him down. Her mouth works across the words. "It isn't if your plan is that we are sleeping together. Is that the plan?"

He blushes, and in the firelight she can still spot it, and she grins at his embarrassment. He's plotted it out this way, but didn't propose it outright until she asked. "Yes. Or ..." his voice trails away because he doesn't want to be relegated to the ship board berth, alone.

Rey thinks his plans go beyond sleeping arrangements. She puts aside both of their plates and shifts to face him.

"I was hoping you would teach me the Force meditation," she recalls him to a pressing task and drops the talk of sleeping arrangements. He latches on quickly to the new subject.

"No luck finding it on your own?"

"What can you show me?"

Kylo nods and takes an object from a pocket and shows it to her. "It's just a marble. Nothing special about it."

He lets her take it from him and she examines it and when he holds out his hand she returns it to him. He indicates she should stay facing him. It then levitates between them. His control deft as he floats it. She can do this, too. She's been practicing.

"Do you feel my hold on it?" He asks her.

"Yes."

"Try to pull it from me only using the Force."

They'd fought for the light saber. She knows he's strong, but this is a marble - a tiny object. She wraps her hold on it and pulls. It spins but does not otherwise budge in her direction. He is calm, reflective. She is working hard to do what he's asked and none of it is working.

She considers winning by moving her efforts to him rather than the object and he holds up a hand. "No. Just the marble. Only focus on it. You're a mess. Calm down and stop acting like this is a physical challenge. It is not. It is mental."

"You're reading my mind?" She hears aggravation in her own voice. Her temper has flared.

"Sensing your intentions," he qualifies. "I did not invade your mind. Calm yourself and try again. Focus on the one thing I asked you to do and nothing else. Don't think about what's happened between us before now, or how to win, or that you are losing. Just try to pull it from my grip."

"I hate to lose," she mutters.

It takes time, but she lets go her frustration and applies herself again to the action. It spins wildly but she cannot make it move. She stops agonizing over the lack of movement towards her and concentrates on the act of pulling. Her restlessness dissolves. Her distraction over his presence and his observing her dissolves. The focal point of her projection is circling this small orb between them. It traces back into her, anchors within her is the essence of the spaces between all that she is. She loses herself in the reverie. Time drifts.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you to those who have left feedback and followed/favorited. Those actions are hugely encouraging. I think of this as considerably fluffier than Unraveling. It lets go a lot of brooding. Not entirely, but maybe a couple steps away from galactic level angst and drama. Not that those things are bad in a story...but not for this one.**

Suddenly there is a touch against Rey's face. Kylo Ren's hand has crossed the space between them. The marble in their combined grip shoots towards her like a bullet hitting her chest, making her wince. "Come back," he repeats. "That's it."

"Ow. What happened?" She rubs the place it struck and then plucks it out of her lap.

"You tell me," he asks. "What did you feel?"

"I…" words fail her. "Was that it?" She asks.

"Maybe," he shrugs. "Should we try again?"

"No. How often do I need to do that?"

"I meditate every day as a matter of regimen. Maybe the need is less often, but I was trained by two masters who were obsessive."

Rey understands his earlier evasiveness about describing. It was impossible to explain the calm, she'd sustained and the tension. The focus but the release of all things. She crawls across the intervening space practically into his lap and her hands cup his face. She presses her lips to his. His arms quickly fold her closer. There was never a doubt he wanted her affection and attention. She's spurned him twice and he is still like an addict, wanting it all the more because she's denied him. He returns the efforts of her kiss. She's breathless and open hearted.

"Kylo," she asks. "I'm sorry for before," she says risks destroying the moment. Her expression makes it clear she is referring to the episode over Crait.

"Please don't pry into my thoughts, Rey," he asks softly.

When the tables had been reversed he was ruthless and disregarded her privacy, but that was before. They are not in the same place. She must honor his request. "I won't. I couldn't come when you asked. It wasn't possible."

That she consents but does not drop the painful subject darkens his expression. "It was possible," he challenges, his voice has gone soft and raw. "You only had to take my hand."

The image is loaded. _Take his hand_ , commit herself to him. He knows it and he's clueless of all the reasons she held back. She can claim it is about her friends. Protecting the Resistance. Saving the galaxy from the tyranny of the First Order. His invitation was also personal. He'd done nothing to assure her on the personal front what the depth of his invitation entailed.

"I regret the pain my choice caused you," she insists.

"I hated you for leaving," he concedes. "I threatened to destroy you."

She'd felt his fury during the months afterwards. It had taken a long time for it to subside. "You let that anger diminish," she has flinched at his words but he's still calm. "When?"

He lets out an exasperated breath. "Our bond kept forcing us together. You kept talking to me even when I ignored you. You stubbornly refused to disappear or be silent. You kept telling me things and asking endless questions. I got used to you and decided not to shut you out."

"That day I was working to repair the Falcon," she places a day to the observation.

"You were wasting your time on that wreck. The ship has been destined for the trash heap since before you were born."

"Garbage," she giggles.

"Yes. Thank you." He crows at finally finding another to agree with his estimation of the fabled ship. "What?"

"When I had to escape from Jakku there were two ships left on the tarmac. One was a pod jumper and the other was the Falcon. I wanted the pod jumper until it was destroyed. I told Finn we needed to escape using the _garbage_."

His smile at her unexpected designation shows unexpected warmth. So often people have recalled the legend of Han Solo's ship. The stories did not give much reflection on the state of the ship. He offers an anecdote of growing up with memories of his father and Chewie struggling to maintain its airworthiness. She believes he will accept her apology. That they have managed to come past that moment to this place. He is holding her. They are together. It is neither the First Order nor the Resistance. She wonders if it will always have to be some place in between.

Rebuilding trust is the thing they struggled with during the turbulent months before they resorted to talking. It isn't enough to be honest, to have him insist she needs him. She sees him struggle with the give and take that allows her to release her guard. He doesn't want to be weak before her. It has taken sustained, gentle persistence to open up. He cultivates an unknowable figure in a mask and she convinced him to let go all the device hid.

"I know the sleeping arrangements are not ideal. I don't expect…"

"Kylo," she stops his backtracking. "I didn't tear you to shreds when you said it. You don't want this to be platonic. You want to use our time together for more than just teaching and a treasure hunt."

"You have summarized my wishes, but not your own."

"I could explain my position, or I could show you," she lets a hand come up to touch his face.

Kylo's eyes close accepting the light trace she makes of the scar she's given him. He's spent eight years under Snoke's tutelage never feeling a kind touch. He had hardened himself, tried to bury the need and it had taken Rey no time at all to discover the deep need within him.

"Show me," he is breathless.

Kissing is a warmup. An overture to how they will progress. She dips close trying to do more than just receive. She swipes her thumb across his generous lower lip before closing her eyes and pressing their lips together. He opens to her. He gives her free reign. She promised to show him how she wants this to go, so she isn't allowed to lose herself in this sweet beginning.

"Undress me," she asked. "Completely."

Her request has no finesse, it is too soon, it shows impatience. She isn't sophisticated or subtle. It is a guess on her part that he hates being passive in this but is cautious about making his desires a demand. The idea of stripping her bare makes his eyes light. The act of peeling back each piece to reveal her has his undivided attention. He groans and they have to shift their positions because he intends to be all over her. He leans forward and kisses her and he lets small tendrils of the force unhook the buttons of her shirt and cuffs at her wrists.

Rey giggles at his choice and this disrupts kissing but he's insistent and she recovers her attention to the act as she shucks off the now unfastened shirt. Beneath is a slippery fabric, pale sheer. His hands slide it along her abdomen around to her back. A shiver rolls along her spine and when it reaches the tip of her head her scalp is tingling. All of her is sensitive and reaching for his contact. He works it up over her head and sets it aside. She has a bra on and the clothing covering the lower half of her body. Her breath is coming faster than before.

He shifts so he can remove her shoes and socks. As he does this he sheds his shirt and undershirt in one move, taking him to bare chest. He tugs down her pants and they easily slide off her hips and down her beautiful long legs. Her skin is golden as he uncovers it. Glowing in the firelight. He lets his hand skim along her limbs and along the outer edge to stroke her thighs and then hips. He hooks his fingers to allow him to pull her panties down her body. As he does he leans forward and places a kiss at the apex of her thighs above the curls of dark brown hair that cover her center.

Rey can smell her own arousal lifting and he hasn't delved her center, yet. She's primed. He's quiet with the wonder of the moment. No comments, questions or lectures. His breathing is taut. He's made a few inarticulate sounds. She unfastens the bra and slides it down her arms so she can push it aside. He dips his mouth between her thighs and opens the soft flesh over her core. She throws back her head as the sparks of pleasure fly through her. He's greedy as he tastes her wetness. The sounds she makes wind him up. He can make her climax this way, but he has other plans. He applies his tongue in exploration for several minutes while she flexes and moans. Then he pulls back. Wiping the remnants of her eagerness against the back of his hand as he shifts upwards.

The heat in his eyes is palpable to Rey. She is breathless, panting, letting him see her desire. Her brain can barely fix on anything, the chemistry is going ballistic within her. Everything he does triggering sensations throughout her body. It isn't her intention to be immobile and leave the efforts to him alone. She manages the smallest measure of composure and she intercepts his hand which would begin the inevitable dance along her skin. He doesn't want to be stopped but she's gentle and persuasive.

"My turn," she tells him with a wicked smile. "I want to see you."

Shifting how she's positioned she reminds him of some mythical goddess. She has plans for him. Kylo's skin has always been starkly paler than hers. It is marked by scars, some she gave him. His boots are securely fastened and will take more than a good pull to remove them from his body. She borrows his tactic and lets a tendril of force allow the closures to be sprung so she has only to tug at the heel and it comes loose. The thick socks she unrolls and tosses…probably too far into the gloom of the cabin. She slides up along his long legs. Her hands sweeping along the fabric of his pants. She cups his covered erection. His breath hisses at the heat and glorious feel of her hands.

"I want you," he grinds out. Before catching her hands and moving them away.

Rey knows he means this in a very specific way. He wants to push into her. Claim her. The fluid collecting between her legs is testament her own desire for this event.

"Let me look at you," she asks, as her mouth retakes its claim of his.

He returns her kiss and simultaneously is twisting their positions and kicking free of the last of his clothing. He has her on her back now. The kiss slows and then he rolls to the side, letting her shift so they are side by side, facing. A small amount of distance separates them. He's accommodating her wish. He wants her to look, to see him. His long arms mean he doesn't have to completely relinquish his grasp on her. One elbow props himself, but the other hand rests on her hip, making light, mesmerizing circles. It's like the tracing is working into the depths of her body. Strong sensations are coiling inside.

His paleness is even. He carries scars, but his form is beautiful to her. His mastery of the Force is only one manifestation of his strength and power. She responds to all of his masculine traits. She has prized her self-sufficiency, but right now she wants to feel him assert that power over her. It would challenge her beliefs if she had any blood supply entering her brain. Instead, she loses herself in the expression she has invited.

"Rey," he rumbles softly. "Do you want to see this through?"

"You don't have to hold back," she tells him in a soft murmur as she keeps contact with his eyes.

Her words are permission, and a release. He moves forward and a small rumble of laughter bubbles upwards. "Shhh, Scavenger. You don't know me well enough to mean that. For now, let's offer each other joining, pleasure, and release."

That offer suits Rey completely, and she cannot focus on the first part. He's kissing her intently again, and without clothing separating their skin, it's as if a match has ignited a blaze. Her hands won't stay still. The feel of his muscles rolling beneath her finger tips feeds energy inside her that is fast reaching a point where it strains burst free. His patience is disappearing. It is his good fortune that she isn't expecting an exhaustive initial exploration.

"I cannot wait," he is saying, possibly to himself. He satisfies himself that she is ready to receive him. Then he shifts so she is on top of him and guides her hand to his cock. "Take over."

His reasons are several. Her initial posturing excited him. He's not sure he can push into her and take the time required without causing pain, but if she controls the penetration he is satisfied she will take what she is able. He wants to watch her while she does it. He wants her to wreck the urgent pace overtaking his mind. He wants her to force him to her rhythm.

Rey gasps and her spine straightens at the feel of her hips sliding his erection along the intimate center of her. His hands float across her as her body rocks against him and he groans intently. Her features have softened her eyes but tightened her in other ways. She is alive in ways she has dreamed fleetingly about. He pulses at the excitement she displays.

She uses one small fist to hold his cock so she can lower onto him. He is dizzy with the anticipation and it is nothing to the actuality of feeling her wet, welcoming heat take him inside. She's tight and the effort to take him makes her hesitate and squirm, but always going further. She's determined and he will lose his mind if she is less than one hundred percent successful.

The sound that escapes her as she sinks completely onto him is something animalistic. His little scavenger is a hungry creature. He helps her ride him and his own hips punctuate her efforts, driving air from her in sharp gasps. He drives her to find her climax, to take them both there. When the feel of her spasm rolls through her body flexing against his turgid cock, it triggers his own release. He's with her.

They both cling to the intensity. He has wrapped her close and eased her down against his chest without otherwise changing the intimacy of their bodies. Her heart is pounding so fiercely and she feels like her nerves will never stop resonating to the pulse they are sharing, but it diminishes. He sooths her body with long soft strokes even as he regains his own composure.

Rey is shaken. She knew the signals all pointed to enjoyment with him, but that was sharp, and immediate. He has destroyed sex for her now. It will never be like this with anyone else. What was she thinking? What has she gotten herself into? When can they do this again?

"Do you want to try the bed?" he asks after things have slowed and settled between them.

"Try in what sense?" she could be making an offer to continue, but the yawn is preview of the fact that she's exhausted.

"Let's start with the regular use for starts?" he lean upwards as if her weight on his chest is no great disadvantage and she likes the feel of his muscles working beneath her.

When she unwinds her legs from against him they are not as steady as she expects them to be, but he offers her a hand up. They both look at the simple bed and he is about to leave it for her when she clasps his hand and pulls him towards it.

"Which side?" she asks.

He points and she lets him settle. The blankets smell fresh and crisp, but cold against her skin. She immediately curls close to him seeking the heat of him. He extends one of his arms around her.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning comes with cold light. Rey wakes to the unfamiliar sensation of Kylo Ren's arm keeping her close against his body. She gently slips free. She tugs her clothes back on to steel herself from the chill and goes to feed the fire. There is wood stacked in a pile next to the fireplace and there is more stacked against the side of the cabin. She slips on her boots and walks outside.

There is a well pump nearby. It has a bucket next to it. After filling the bucket, she pulls it into the cabin and her actions have awoken her companion. He looks gorgeously ruffled as he rubs the sleep from his eyes and stretches. The longer she looks at him the less interested in breakfast or caffeine.

"C'mere," he invites.

The blanket has slipped downward and she is spellbound. She thinks she looked at him last night, but this is new light, new perspective. She sets the bucket down and walks over to him. He tugs her hand so that she leans forward and he kisses her in greeting.

"Good morning, beautiful," he smiles. He guides her to sit at the edge of the bed.

"Morning," she blushes because the knowing smile on his lips promise he knows where her mind has wandered. Damn the man is trouble for her.

"You see everything I'm thinking?" There is a brief flutter of embarrassment.

"Sometimes. Right now you are relaxed and your guard is down. Unless you mean me to know?"

"No," she stutters. "I wasn't trying…" She stops and thinks to restart. "I didn't expect…but…"

He wraps an arm around her drawing her body close. He is smiling at her discomfort. "I figured that out, although I appreciate where your thoughts were heading. If you want to skip talking and just act on any of those, I'll gladly participate."

"After you show me how to stop it," she straight arms to give herself some distance. He might think this is adorable, but she's squirming from embarrassment and knows she has to do something to shore up her defenses. Yesterday.

He sighs with disappointment. Rey sees Kylo Ren give up the brief hope of sweeping her into a passionate morning start. He shrugs away the blankets uncovering his naked form. He's unconcerned about this state of undress but Rey looks away. He chuckles at her reaction and it deepens the red stains working down her cheeks and neck.

"You didn't show shyness last night, Rey." He points out. "I appreciated your directness. You are welcome to look, and touch if it gets us back to that."

"It's not why I came here," she reminds him. Her voice catches and she isn't nearly as strong as he's used to hearing her.

"Teach you about your gift and find crystals so you can complete your transformation to Jedi."

"I'm not sure making a weapon will represent my ascendance to Jedi."

"It is a rite. There is no one to argue with you," he reminds,"except me. I am disinclined to hold you back, and my darkness takes me outside that designation."

He pulls rudiments of clothing over himself and she is relieved that he's better covered, now. The reminder of his tainted state slows her. She knows he has walked too far outside the light. His status is not in question. He has acted with evil intent. Taken lives. Allowed anger, fear and pain to direct him. He has murdered his father before her eyes. Last night he was warm, generous, and considerate towards her. She cannot reconcile these differences.

"You say it so casually. _Your darkness_." She can't find the way to express or encompass any observation or wish.

"I'm a monster," he changes to use her own word.

"I hated what you did. I still don't understand why." She could mean countless things but they both know what she is referring to one incident that personally impacted her.

"You don't," he agrees. "Do you expect to change me? Drag me back to the light?"

"I can't," she admits. "You won't let me. I didn't come here to learn about darkness. You define yourself by the shadows inside of you. I see light, too."

Rey stands there expecting him to argue, dismiss, or lecture her about good and evil, old and new…some other positive negative construct. He frowns.

"What if I explained I see darkness in you? Beneath the brightness of your energy and righteousness, there is anger and fear. When you are desperate or alone, it is the fuel that sustains you."

Rey's lips tighten. She replays the times he's seen her. When they fought together in the throne room. He is right, but she didn't expect him to see it. The bond that connected them for so many months was challenging, but she'd felt a well of understanding with Kylo Ren that wasn't purely a working of the force. She felt understood by him in ways that no one else around her ever could. Beyond his knowing about her parents, he could pluck at the fabric of her being and knew all the threads.

"Luke saw it in me," she revealed. "He was terrified of my inner darkness."

"Skywalker's weakness was his inability to understand that kind of duality in people. That you can love a person and hurt them; wish for peace and wage a war. He viewed inconstancy as fatal flaws. He was rigid in his outlook." There are the constructs she was expecting.

"Darkness has been part of me from before I had a choice and I couldn't just get rid of it the way he expected me to cast it off."

"Yes," Kylo Ren hears a recognizable truth.

It resonates between them. The bond, mostly silent since they came together manifests in this moment and both of them visibly react. It cannot act the way it has when distances separated them, so this is first proximate moment of it manifesting. Rey closes her eyes and sinks into the feel of the bond. She has never controlled it. Neither has Kylo. The energies coursing through it are welcoming, now.

"It felt like this when you kissed me. I didn't think it was the Force."

"The Force is everywhere, and always part of everything," he reminds, but draws closer so that his forehead rests against hers. "You are mine, it says."

For a person who has always defied what seemed fated in his life, he stubbornly imposes fate to others. She shakes her head. "You cannot drag me to your shadowland any more than I can pull you to the Jakku desert to live in a hut and eek a living from scraps.

Her description of a future appalls him and he does not hide the distaste, but quickly realizes she is mirroring his boundary. It is also a reminder of the temporariness of their situation. She has not promised to follow him back to the Finalizer after they finish.

"You don't try to call me Ben anymore."

"You don't like it," she reminds him. "Last time I used it you told me Ben was gone."

"I said a lot of things that day and you only heeded some of my words."

"You chose the name Kylo Ren. It is how you want to be known."

"It is, and I do," he agrees. "What I was before is burned away. Irretrievable."

Rey touches his arm. "It was your younger self. It is done, now. It isn't burned away, but it is your past. I accept how you are, now."

"Do you love me?" his voice is soft, and vulnerable.

"I don't know," she is trying to be honest but is terrified how he'll respond. "It's scary to think about. If I am, it is impossible. If I'm not then I'm going crazy because I came here. I trust you. I wanted to see you, and be with you. I'm afraid to figure it out."

"I am in love with you," he is braver than her. "It is impossible. I'm going crazy because I came here. I trust you. I wanted to see and be with you. I'm afraid we won't figure it out."

Slippery turn of the words. She should admire his ease in using language. Rey sighs and breaths slowly. He isn't the architect of this circumstance. He has never felt this kind of passion before.

"Show me how to guard my thoughts."

She has to ask it. Every moment they are like this the play of reactions reveal he is still taking her thoughts. He pulls back at her renewed request.

"I'm cleaning up and getting food, first. Then we'll start. Attempt the meditation we worked on yesterday. Let's see if you can manage it alone."

Rey watches him leave. Her practical request has disappointed him, but she needs the privacy to work through her thoughts. Unfiltered thoughts traffic in doubt and selfishness. She might reform them before spoken, but too late when he's glimpsed the workings of her mind.

Kylo Ren has tilted her world. More so than all the hundred other times since they first encountered each other. She slept with him. She had sex. Mentally she shakes herself and rephrases: they had sex. It feels like it was worth the risks, but the skeptical corners of her mind are reasserting themselves now that he's stepped from the room.

She uses the water to wash her face and hands. She prepares a ration and thoughtfully chews it. Communal meals are not something she is used to. When she was on Jakku food was so scarce she did not eat in the presence of other scavengers. She took her food back with her and consumed it in private. She did not want the hungry observers or the scheming. She never had enough to share. Things are different now, but it is hard to get used to sitting with someone and eating.

Rey takes a seat and tries to recreate that level of concentration he drove her towards last night. It wasn't just sit still and breathe. It wasn't just sit still, breathe, and reach out. How to find that tension. She undertakes the process of clearing her mind and releasing. When she feels the clear space she seeks connection to the force to find it within herself and how it links her to the deeper planet.

"Still too guarded." Kylo's voice is low and firm. "Surrender to the energies."

Kylo's returned and observing her. She waivers but tries to follow his direction. Losing the distinction of her identity means something. She should reflect on this later, but now is the time to do it. It engulfs her and when she stops fighting it. She has to give up awareness. She dissolves into the flow.

This time he does not draw her out of the meditation. She returns to herself without any sense of time. She doesn't have to ask if it was right. She has gained the certainty of it. She needed his push, but she's regained the state.

"You need to know how to guard your mind. I wish Skywalker had imparted this. I have every reason to sabotage."

This is honest but neglects his personal pride. Kylo Ren does not want to fail at anything. Least of all where Rey is concerned. He'll find a way to complete the instruction. He has her take a seat at the simple table inside the cabin. He has eaten and rebuilt the fire while she was meditating. The temperature has improved from when she started.

"When Skywalker trained us, there was a give and take game. I send a question, you block me from trying to find the answer. Then we trade the positions and you send and I block. It hones two skills."

"Sounds simple."

"Your problem is you are playing against someone who has had to perfect the barriers while under the apprenticeship of a Sith. Sith are less prissy about boundaries. I won't play fair. If you manage to build sufficient skill to block me it will be far more robust than any Jedi lessons would impart."

"Jedi are not good at this?"

"Jedi apprentices are not good at this skill. I think the flaw in the training was purposeful so that a master could retain oversight of their padawan." Kylo's posture is straight. His attention directed. He intends to begin by his body language alone. "Prepare what you think you need to hear my message but not release the answer."

Rey could delay this with more conversation but he's taken up a very businesslike approach and it doesn't encourage her to stall. She looks at him and tries to recall those times she pushed off his intrusions. Brief desperate bursts on her part.

~Those won't show you very much.~

~They are what I have.~

He acknowledges her proper capacity to receive and send. "I am starting."

~What was your mother's name?~

His transmitted voice is as smooth and clear to her as if he speaks. So much the way their force bond always gave her the impression of his real presence.

"It is Marli," he shakes his head at the fact that despite his warning she'd promptly recalled it when he asked. "Your turn."

"What if I ask you secrets about the First Order and send them to my friends?" she is unexpectedly nervous so she falls to old defenses of baiting him.

"You can try, Rey," he gives a smirk that says he does not find her success likely.

She would dearly love to best him. She has shocked him before when he was overconfident. She has to rely on the Force. Her equality with him is in her capacity. She has to trust the Force. Resolute calm unwinds through her.

~When did you find out I existed?~

She concentrates on him and reaches out. She's recalling a sentence he issued at her in the forest on Takodona. She uses that to push inward against his psyche but there is no give, no revelation, or answer from the blank wall of his mind. She throws down harder to no avail.

Kylo's face is impassive. The mental energy rippling from within him is tightly controlled. She plucks the string of their bond and when it rings out she feels him notice.

"That links us. It does not give you privileges to my thoughts."

"Clearly not. Your turn, again."

~Name of the first boy you ever kissed?~

For just a few seconds she manages to deflect him to a memory of them kissing. But that isn't her first and once she tumbles into the memory her focus falters as she compares the two experiences. She tries to withhold the name but knows the instant he's swiped it from her thoughts.

~He was not even old enough to shave,~ Kylo frowns. ~Precocious.~

"Hardly. He was a friend, and we'd stumbled around a corner in Jakku where women sold themselves out in the open. We wondered why it should be worth trade."

"Did Paulus answer your curiosity?"

"Not even a little."

"Your turn," he invites.

Let the Force lead. How can she pry loose anything? She shouldn't. She should figure out how he's constructed this barrier. ~What is the first step in blocking your intrusions?~

~I will let you have this one to improve your progress.~

He shows her what he's doing. "It is a matter of discipline to hold and focus your mind. You are not in the habit and need to become so around me."

"You could respect my boundary and not intrude," she takes issue with his insistence.

"My mother was quite good at respecting boundaries unless she was angry. Then her talents would rear up and she would steal things from myself and Han. Use our own thoughts as weapons against us. The need is not for when things are friendly and peaceful, Rey. It is for those times when things are not."

Kylo doesn't push the remembrance. She can reach for it. He's cued her of its existence and this is an invitation. She wants to understand him better. Over the months they'd talked about themselves and revealed past to each other in drips and drabs. Their talks had not been about personal trauma, but maybe this is a natural evolution.

As she finds his memory. She is immersed in the moment from his emotional connection to it. This has tempered a little over time, but still the reactions of a boy facing turmoil at the hands of those closest to him. He'd learned this skill earlier than Snoke. It is an unpleasant side of Leia for Rey to see.

"I admire Leia. She seems so different than what you show me."

"She hides her worst traits. She knows that her image is key to her authority. It is not something she would want you to realize."

Rey could argue that his own memories are tainted by what came later. She could chalk it up to turbulence surrounding all of them. She could say Leia has changed from that time. There is entirely no point. It is his experience. It held sway and pushed him. She touches his hand and the bond shivers.

"You think I was wrong?" He is uneasy showing her history and hearing her voice the comments about Leia.

"I am glad you let me see your past. I wasn't there. I met your mother only recently, years after what you've recalled. What she did hurt you." Rey doesn't diminish his account or recant her words. She tries to balance the two accounts.

 **A/N Again, thank you to those who have responded with reviews and favorites/follows. I am heading out of town for a while and may be delayed on the next update, but will try get it released by Thursday.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N The conversation from last chapter continues. I wrote this as a continuum and then broke it out later to chapters. Sometimes the breaks are the breaks.**

"Everyone idolizes my parents. They are heroes of the realm. If people only understood them they would never say such stupid things."

Rey hears pain in his voice and he hasn't shaken off her hand. "Han never gave up life as a con man. Leia always sought power and influence. Both of them willing to use the people around them to get what they desired."

Recognizing the question he is obliquely edging towards. It was one of the first things she ever asked him after she was done shouting accusations. He's finally telling her. It is bitter, angry justifications. He's held it close because if he doesn't recall the hurt he might regret and he is determined never to allow that.

Han was unready to raise a child and avoided it. He found his son a difficult and moody. Ben had none of his charm or social ease. He had frightening skills far beyond even his mothers, and Han had quickly grown to distrust and dislike the way Leia used the Force. His son showed the same aptitude. Han found his son alien and did not like the boy's shrewd assessments.

Kylo's feelings for his mother are more conflicted. He'd held so tightly to her love when he was small, and it flared the sense of abandonment when she sent him away to Uncle Luke. The action crushed him. He'd wept openly and recalling that response felt humiliating, still. Rey sent soothing reassurance when he would withdraw from this recollection.

"It isn't enough for you to understand why I killed my father," Kylo throttles back emotions trying to regain his composure.

This is a sinkhole. Rey senses he wants her to understand the justification. His hurts are deep and painful and years old. "There is more behind your action that you haven't revealed."

The freeze she feels in him reaffirms her intuition. He straightens without obviously changing position and his dark eyes study her face with that shrewdness that alarmed his father. "Correct," his tone alters to one that represents the Kylo Ren of the First Order. He still needs a moment to complete the transformation. He's given her a genuine opening to himself when he was still Ben, but there is more.

"Will you tell me the rest?" Rey asks.

This position of facing and being close but not touching isn't as distancing given their force bond. "I was Snoke's apprentice. You do not fully grasp the servitude that invokes. I was ordered by my master to kill Han Solo and to do anything else would have meant punishment and probably death."

"Snoke's order," Rey has lived for several months with the Resistance and she knows that some orders will eventually entail deaths, but she has never heard someone told to go kill a specific person.

Kylo is still entwined in her thoughts. "The First Order is more surgical than your band of fighters. We do not waste time fighting all of you when a few targeted strikes will unravel the impediment." He is conveying cold strategy and not the point of the order he received.

"Snoke could have sent a different person. He chose you because of you…not some military objective."

This is something he has considered at length. "The Supreme Leader was cutting my ties to the past. His command burned a bridge so that I could never reconsider my commitment to the Dark side."

"Did you know this when you did it?"

"I saw it as a difficult test. A matter of proving my loyalty. I wanted meet Snoke's demand. Prove myself. Earn his approval. When it was done, I saw he'd taken away an escape."

His explanations are chilling. He was never challenged by the murderousness of the demand. He is still focused on the emotional complications it unleashed. She understands in war the need to act brutally. Hell, even not in war. Rey has defended her own self by violence. She has never singled someone out arbitrarily and gone after them intending to take their life.

"I am a monster," he reminds her as he uncovers her impressions. "I don't have your compassion."

"You have forced it down within yourself," she is very clearly thinking of the moment when he turned on Snoke and saved her life.

His long hand crosses the distance and touches her cheek lightly. "I did save you. I understood that as I acted. I also saved myself. It was clear that he'd weighed replacing me when I brought you. He did not trust me or want me to succeed him. My days were numbered. I took the opening your presence provided."

"Is it so hard to act from a place of compassion and caring?" she feels him recalibrating her observations to align with his own understanding. "You are not here today because of some master strategy."

"I suppose not," he frowns. "The bond between us makes it impossible to ignore you."

"The Force connecting us is why you are here?" It is her turn to frown. They've gone much further than two adults who are unable to ignore each other. One of them is an idiot, and she has confidence in herself.

"I am not an idiot," he is offended by her designation.

"We were playing a game so I could learn to block you out and we are doing the opposite of that." She veers back to the point of their lesson.

"You should learn to block. Your thoughts are frequently insulting," he bristles.

"Yours are terrifying."

They face off and she applies what he's shown her and she has every reason to fortify. His words adding motivation. When she has it in place she can feel the pressure of his efforts to find chinks.

"Better." He begrudges. "Can you make sustaining that second nature?"

"Just around you," she sullenly pokes.

"You know I wield this capacity," he dryly informs. "Others may be covert. They will use it surreptitiously. Some creatures are adept without special Force capabilities. Be on guard so you are not surprised."

Rey and Kylo Ren finished the morning session out of sorts and split out of each other's presence after the end of the lesson. Rey investigates their surroundings. She is glad for the lack of rain, bright sun, and the warm clothing the outfitter insisted she needed. The fabrics combine to secure her from the biting chill carried on the wind. She raises the collar on her parka. She needs the chance to clear her head.

The point of this side trip was impulsive. Does she want him to show her more? He showed her the rudiments of blocking his ability to scan her mind. She doesn't know exactly how the meditation will serve, but she suspects it will be useful.

Leia can sometimes read thoughts, she realizes from his sulk. She expects people to be obvious about their allegiances and their capabilities. She tries to think if Leia has ever taken a thought or memory from her. It's hard to tell.

The discussion during the lesson was unsatisfying. The months of conversation they shared had made it clear to both of them not to try and convert the other. They'd attempted all manner of persuasion on each other. Appeals to logic, emotion, guilt, competitiveness. Neither wants to abandon their respective places. It is an impasse. Today ended no differently, but he'd shown her some of himself.

Rey needs space and pulls on her coat and heads outside. The woods around her were less dense than Starkiller base. The growth in this forest older. She loved the sense of life around her and energy. The wildlife avoided her but she could hear and sense it. The frost crunched beneath her boots as she strode along.

It was her mistake that she imagined Kylo Ren's time with Snoke had been that of a dark prince. That was the public image, but there was no nobility within the First Order. Snoke had used him. Sent him to kill those closest to him. Severed his links back home. The Supreme Leader had given the order with deliberate purpose. Kylo had fallen into the trap and recognized it now. What shocked Rey was his inability to recant even as he understood how he'd been manipulated. He has undergone terrible suffering as he attained his status of Dark Lord. Physical and mental pain had been Snoke's tools during his training. He'd born it all and it had shaped him.

Can patience and compassion reach him? It has. Those months when he wouldn't acknowledge her and she'd just kept at it. Like a pestering sibling…if she'd ever had the chance to know that kind of thing. He'd finally relented and then an amazing thing had happened. They'd become friends. When they'd stopped posturing and acting invincible the tension had melted. He was still prickly and arrogant. She was gruff and stubborn, but they'd lowered the barriers.

The path comes out of the woods onto a bluff, and the view is beautiful. Snow swept mountains with deep canyons caved out by the ice and water that has flowed across them. Clouds ringing the highest peaks. The energy of this place is not simply that of a place teaming with life. There is more, underneath. It heightens her awareness.

Rey takes a seat. She embarks on the Force meditation that Kylo has shown her. The altered state comes more easily with practice. It is easier to do this then to reflect on what she has gotten herself into with him. She wonders how this would be if she'd taken his hand in the throne room.

 _Not right_. Nothing she would have wanted. It would have meant abandoning her friends and the Resistance. He would have taken her capitulation as his due and treated her accordingly. It would have destroyed them. He would not like her thinking this. He does not accept criticism. She did the right thing turning down that offer. He doesn't agree, yet. He would have been different if she'd fallen into his imagined rise.

Being with him is more intense than through the bond. Even as that strengthened and expanded, it is not like his presence. He is formidable. He doesn't frighten her, but he exudes energy and power and it is undeniable. She is drawn to him. That she threw away any semblance of reserve and slept with him last night was impulsive. Amazing, but still the actions of an inexperienced girl swept up in his attention, the chemistry…the thrill. She's an idiot. She accused him of that fault, but she has so little and she can lose to him.

Does she accept his explanation about why he killed Han? He rarely acknowledges that Han was his father. This was something from before he killed the man. First he set aside his kinship. She senses Snoke's hand in that severing. More than just the part about commanding Kylo to kill Han, that was simply a culmination of years molding Ben's thoughts about his father. Maybe there was justification in estranging himself, but to the point of killing him? Rey tries to see his point of view. He is at war with the Resistance and Han Solo is dangerous and removing him will further the position of the First Order. She always sees the personal part: Kylo Ren killed his father. A man _she_ cared about. She cannot release the hurt of his actions, but she's forgiven him at some level. Otherwise they would not have this friendship.

Friendship is such a weak word, but she hasn't had many friends and the designation is dear to her, so much that she turned her back on ruling the galaxy. She sarcastically censors her own mental ramble. She does cherish friendship. She would protect that and anyone she felt that way about. This includes Kylo Ren, but she doesn't know how to fight for him.

This is not a figure who wants saving. In fact, he is frustrated that she will not acknowledge she is the one who requires aid. This is her stubborn streak refusing to allow weakness. She has needed him. He has given her two things that no one else could during their brief time here. They will allow her to cultivate the gift of the Force. He will take her through the task of finding a crystal so that she can build a weapon and ascend to status of Jedi. He could let her flounder and fail, but he hasn't. Why?

Firstly, her mind begins categorizing. He's lonely. Noticing this is a certain irritation for him, but in quieter more reflective moments he allows that her company is meaningful to him. She has shown herself to be his equal in power. His competitive nature appreciates her strength. He suffers incompetence with withering regard. They are both young, powerful and adrift. He sees their symmetry. The Force is drawing them together; by the bond, the lightsaber, her visions. She is terrified that fate is a factor. It makes this all preordained and she cannot fathom how her pathetic beginnings can land her at this center of galaxy sized power struggle.

Rey needs to practice locking down her mind. He is right that she specifically needs this in his presence. She sees little from him unless he wants her to, but the opposite is not the case. She has clearly volunteered thoughts that he is aware of whether he mentions them or not. He pilfered her memories for the unsecured treasures they were and when she worked hard she saw blankness from him. It is frustrating. He showed her what to do and now she must practice sustaining that. It speaks to that aspect of him that is always a little tense and guarded. Can she adopt that?

Best to try, or she will be taking a lot of lonely walks to find space from him. She feels a familiar presence at the edge of her senses. He's looking for her and he isn't confused about where he needs to go to locate her. He can find her. Her power is detectable. He shows that now. Her tracks in the snow are obvious trail. She prepares herself.

"I'm over here," she calls out when he is close enough to hear her voice.

He steps from the tree line and comes to where she is seated and manages to settle his long limbs beside her with smooth grace. He follows the line of the view, taking it in. His breathing is steady. He seems calm.

"Do you feel the energy of this place?" He asks her.

"Yes."

"The crystals respond to the Force and magnify energies. The range is underpinned by large deposits of the crystals which is why the ship sensors fail. It affects us, too."

"In what way?"

"It's like a drug. It can cause intoxication. Some are more susceptible than others."

"You've been here before," she tries to tease out what he's leading towards. "Do you feel inebriated?"

"I'm aware," he tells her. "I think I have accounted for the influence. You need to know so you can guard yourself. I should have warned you."

Rey thinks about this. "Do you think my choice last night was a result of intoxication?"

"Maybe," he slowly responds.

This stings. He's neglecting his staging of the evening, and the part where for months they have been steadily growing closer. He is pushing her away. He's not accepting any responsibility for his own actions and responses.

"I can control myself for the rest of our time here, if that is what you are asking." She is leaving an opening even as she knows it will result in an unwanted answer. She does not want to regret last night.

Kylo Ren is not looking at her. He is watching the mountains. "If we are separating at the conclusion of this, then it would be for the best. Leaving is your plan?"

He's dancing around an opening, too. He'll relent if she commits to something longer term. She should applaud his maneuver. She does not. It is miserable to offer intimacy to someone and have the gift be unwelcome. She frowns and reminds herself to hold up her defenses.

"I will go back to the Resistance after we are done here." He's even managed to find an excuse for the whole lapse. Not a clever excuse, but excuses are never flattering. They are papering over problems. "I'll restrain myself. I am sorry I got carried away."

"Thank you," he nods and then rises. He's resolute in his demeanor, but extends a small olive branch. "I made food while you were out. You should come back so we can eat."

"You don't have to cook for me," she is covering her wounded feelings.

"Rations may technically serve for nutrition, but they are miserable replacements for real food. If you will join me for the daily meals, it should be better than those servings of drek."

"Thank you," she files the expected response to his courtesy. She feels hollowed out by this conversation. His polite rejection then calling her to respond in some civil fashion. She is emotionally flattened but will not rail at him.

"Doesn't leading the First Order require your presence?" She changes the subject.

"I've given directions for my officers to carry out. It should hold unless your Rebel friends do something untoward. I am somewhat counting that their numbers are still too small to embark on anything large scale."

Rey is cautious not to say much about the Resistance. He doesn't make a point of tallying up details, but he is smart and observant. "Ah." She is glad for his instruction. She should not like to be the cause of danger to the cause.

"Do the Rebels seek any special guidance from you? You have sight."

"They don't know about my visions." She has provided very few demonstrations of power. "I don't think I could reliably deliver predictions."

"Even Master Jedi found futures shift and reform. It is difficult to see and understand everything that leads up to any given vision. Probably wise not to promote that."

"Would it grow stronger if I practiced?"

"Yes," he shrugs. "Any talent within the Force benefits from practice. Sight is rare. Are yours always the future?"

"No," she thinks to the first vision that knocked her on her ass at Maz's. What she saw confused her at the time, but she now knows it was a combination of past, present and future. It was her own introduction to Kylo Ren. "I have seen past, and present visions. They are hard to interpret until later. They do not seem entirely helpful."

"I see the past sometimes. I have visions of my grandfather. I feel a strong connection to him."

"When he was known as Darth Vader," she knows this part of his past.

"Sometimes I see before Vader, but mostly his time as Darth Vader."

Rey thinks about this. There is next to nothing she knows about Anakin Skywalker other than he was a Jedi who turned and joined the Emperor to overthrow the Republic. He was a man at one point who was father to Luke and Leia.

"Did your grandfather ever know his children?" Rey asks. It is such a feature of Kylo's bitterness that it begs the question.

"He never knew about them until much later. Padme died in childbirth and her last act was to hide the children. Leia went to Alderaan and Luke to Tattoine."

Kylo imparts what he knows of this event. It is key. The months when Padme was pregnant were full of danger and turmoil and Anakin moved further and further from his Jedi foundations. The Emperor ensured closing his heart off with a lie. A terrible and insurmountable lie.

"The Emperor manipulated his change," she understood him to say and Kylo nodded. "Could he have repented and gone back to being a Jedi once he knew this?"

"He did not think so," Kylo says softly. "Neither do I." He speaks of himself and not his grandfather.

Rey nods. "One of the elements of Luke's legend is his reclaiming Anakin from the dark side. But Luke didn't really make him different. He witnessed it."

Kylo Ren gives a gruff sound. Whether it is agreement or not is open to interpretation. It has become a shorthand for him wanting to end the topic. Talking is helping her recover from his abrupt withdrawal.

"What did you make for dinner?" What he's describing seems elaborate and complicated to her. She is amazed. "I can't imagine when you learned to cook."

"Because I was a spoiled prince of the Republic?" He dismisses her assumption with a scoff.

"Really, Kylo Ren," she presses. "When did you learn to cook?"

There was a cook in his household who was kind to him and listened to his troubles. She'd shown him things as she prepared food for the family. She taught him about the role of food in family and tradition. He cared for her and felt her loss keenly when she passed.

"Did she die before or after you went to train with Luke?"

"Before," he admits. "Shortly before. I was distraught and my outbursts were especially destructive around that time. It frightened people, including my parents."

"Did they know you were grieving for her?"

The man beside her is slouching into his clothes like he isn't comfortable. "Not well enough. They didn't pay much attention, but the trouble I was causing needed to be handled."

The walk back has finished and they've stored away the warm outerwear and snowy boots. They are at the table he's laid out and as they eat the dishes, she is treated to his unexpected skills. He tells her about each and she savors the experience. She's had prepared foods a few times. She has mostly lived on rations, but there have been rare times when she indulged. None of those hold a candle to what he's offered. She would be greedy and scrounge it all away, in her scavenger reflexes, but she is checking her old habits. Relearning how to be.

"This is wonderful," she compliments. "Thank you."

There is a part of him that expects her appreciation and remarks. He knows this is good and given her own efforts the day before, significant improvement. Still, he basks in her acknowledgment. He wants her compliments. He has not outgrown the need for approval.

"Should we give the game a second try?" He asks as the eating is winding down.

"I don't know," she is wary. "It will not go well."

"Your mind is quieter than before. We should improve the strength of that barrier. I doubt it is impenetrable."

"You would not like what you find when you succeed, so we should give it a rest."

"There is never a point when stealing thoughts go exactly as expected. I'll allow for that."


	6. Chapter 6

Bland reassurance he would handle her unfiltered thoughts did not hold. Kylo Ren wasn't willing to concede to her warning, so they embarked on a new round and it was contentious and less productive than before. In the end she dismays him by recalling his claim to love her. He voices what is obvious about their prickly interactions. He turns her words back on her and for good measure recalls her previous betrayal. Then he pulls back in an effort to regroup and restore their equilibrium.

"We cannot seem to regain common ground that allows for this practice right now." Then like a harsh shove, "As you pointed out, our being in love is impossible. You will leave, again."

She hears resignation in his voice as he finishes his sentence. Unlike regular people, them being in love is not a blissful, joyous, wonder. Rey being in love with Kylo Ren is like a constant battle of wills. It drives her mad because she believes love will make all things right and overcome obstacles. It is frustrating to recognize that even if they both confess and show their affection, they will still have the other parts of their lives to reconcile.

She ignores the point of his statements and storms ahead on her front. "I wasn't intoxicated," she storms. "I made a choice. You cannot make me take that back. Going with you afterwards was never a condition of showing up here."

She can't sit still any longer. She rises and undertakes the only task she can think needs doing. She feeds the fire and collects additional wood in for later when it is dark, cold, and she's half-asleep. The flames spread warmth and are mesmerizing. She could get lost watching them. He busies himself cleaning up after the meal. It's late and gloom is being cut by lanterns that Kylo begins to deactivate. He is preparing to go to bed and she shoots a wondering stab at whether he is staying in the cabin. His actions point to that.

The turmoil hasn't settled in her yet and she needs more time.

"Can I go use the shower on the ship to wash up?"

"Be my guest," he nods.

Taking fresh clothes she goes and finds it. She, again, admires the ship's lines and clean, functional attributes. It was built well and its interior isn't a mix of repurposed space. The shower is in a compact room. She strips and turns it on and then steps inside. It feels good to whisk away the sweat, grime and stress she's been feeling.

Fixing on matters of Force are less strain. She has to lose herself when she meditates. She has to let the energies overtake her and pull her into their currents. Why? She is part of it. She lets herself open some of the feel and both she and Kylo are strong presences. She feels him. There is life and energy all around him but they act differently on the fields. They pull and push it. They are like magnets and it both attracts and repels from them. What does this mean?

Maybe this light and dark attraction is something related to that. She and Kylo are destined to interact because they are strong forces pushing and pulling at each other on the most basic levels. But that would negate their personal choices and actions. He wasn't always dark. He make choices to become like that. She is making choices to stay within the light. His earlier observations didn't detract from the reality that she might feel anger and fear, but they did not rule her.

Do those emotions rule Kylo Ren? Anger might. She rejects fear. He has fears and they are instructive about some of his choices, but he is more prone to arrogance and driven towards power. He offered to share power with her. A larger concession than she has ever acknowledged. He wants her with him. Even now it is not a dead issue. He won't ask because he hates rejection as much as she does. Neither of them is able to have everything they want.

She dresses more lightly than before and hustles across the clearing back to the cabin because the cold is biting but she doesn't want the burden of putting the extra layers on only to take them off again just inside the cabin. She closes the door gasping at the part where she realizes she will have to rethink that in the future. She rubs her arms and stamps off the snow on her boots.

"Get under the covers," he directs. "That will warm you up."

"Are you sleeping here tonight?" she should not be asking. She should take all the space she can get.

"I can sleep on the ship," he defers. A perfect answer if she was smart and thinking critically.

"You can," she should get her head examined. "But sleep here?"

Kylo isn't expecting her request. He is wary. "Rey, why?"

She draws a small blanket from the foot of the bed and wraps it around her shoulders and carefully chooses to sit in a chair not on the bed. She tries to organize her thoughts and she could just let her guard down and he'd probably read it from her, but she's working to have better boundaries so she plans to explain this as if they don't have that capacity between them.

"I was alone before and will be after. I want the reprieve."

Simple explanation but complicated between the simple words. She was kindred in this loneliness. It's hard to explain because when she was within crowds she craved the chance to be alone, but along with waking her awareness of the Force, she'd found other ways she needed connections to the world. Her manners are inadequate her behaviors are off-putting. She offends people without meaning.

"You are alone by your own choosing," he chides her. "Doing this will make the parting difficult."

It's the weakest rejection he could have offered and she understands that she's demanding and maybe her wishes and his diverge. She should offer something of an amends for this favor. She goes to a bag she brought in the night before and reaches into the bottom to pull out a book. An actual bound book, not a visual representation of old media.

"I have something I want to show you," she looks towards the bed and he nods as he caves to her request.

Going to the bed, she pulls back the covers and crawls in. He shucks down what he's wearing to brief layer, but not nakedness and slides in the other side. She props the pillows and the hands it across for him to examine.

"What is this, other than old?" He notes the faded images.

"This book is from the Jedi Temple. Ancient books that Master Skywalker was guarding."

"You took it?"

"I needed to learn about being a Jedi and he refused to teach me. I had seen these in my dreams. I knew I needed them."

"What do they say?"

"I don't know," she admits. "I know several languages but this is not familiar."

"What translation efforts have you undertaken?"

"None, yet," she feels a little sheepish. "These are not for other people. I don't want them scanned into a data storage and replicated for later dispersal. They are not intended for that kind of…"

"Rey," he cuts her off. "Are you being sentimental about these or is there a genuine premonition against translation analysis?"

"Why?"

"I cannot read it either, and my next effort would be to try interpreting analysis unless you tell me we shouldn't."

"The knowledge this contains is not for machines to interpret. I feel that is true." The feeling so strong within her is across her face as he studies her response, both the words and her expression.

"The Force is guiding your intuition," he is surmising but saying it aloud so she can correct him.

Her features scrunch for a bit and he doesn't think she's doing anything especially mystical but she eventually confirms. "Yes."

"Hmmm," he thinks about it and leafs the pages being gentle but contemplating. "I have an idea, but it's a longshot."

"Tell me."

"We have two possible outlets. Decipher what is in the texts by sheer concentration and meditation. Or find someone who can read it since you said machines should not. I think that still allows for us to find an individual."

"Luke says they are a thousand years old."

"Yeah, yeah. He likes big impressive sounding numbers. Maz is older than anyone I know and she's traveled most of the known galaxies. I wouldn't put it past her to recognize this. She isn't a Force user exactly, but she's sensitive."

"You blew up her castle."

"I thought it was a bar with self-aggrandizing artwork."

"It was hers and she is pissed off about it."

"She's tilted in favor of the Resistance, but for business purposes always inclined her position to political neutrality. I doubt she will change strategies at this late date."

"She'll poison you if you step foot, or bite off your kneecaps."

Kylo smirks at this prognostication. "She might. She isn't harmless. Han introduced you?" He yawns and sets the book carefully to the side. There is something unexpectedly endearing about the Supreme Leader of the First Order showing signs of being tired.

"Yes," she nods. "I met her once."

Kylo shifts and invites Rey close to his side. "Han liked her."

It's a rare recollection of his father that isn't bitter. She doesn't break the spell with further remarks. He extinguishes the lantern with a targeted thought. She admires his ability to use a fine, controlled touch. His regular practice has given him proficiencies she does not have, yet.

"Is there more to your reprieve than this?" he asks. His tone is light but there is none of the energy beneath that she would imagine with sexual tension.

"I don't know," she admits. "I've never had this."

Her hand lightly tightens its hold on him and she feels him reciprocate the small squeeze. He feels the bond shimmer and the air around them waivers as if it is thick and they are slow in its currents. He's felt these moments as evidence she is his, but the reverse is also true. She holds a part of him. It is scary to think of such a thing because it is not obvious what happens after they both leave Ilum, still connected but in vastly separate places.

"You can keep your piece of me," he speaks to this thought.

Kylo Ren didn't exactly give her his heart. The exchange happened without their consent. All the same, she didn't want her piece back from him because it would require losing what she has gained.

"Rey?" his soft whisper comes across. "Can I touch you?"

Touch is imprecise. There are different levels and he could be asking for any of them. He wants to draw his fingers across her and imagining it is insufficient. She shutters and shifts closer to him. There are limits somewhere but she doesn't want to talk about boundaries. He winds his long arms around her and his breath sighs a bit as their bodies press. She bluffs with herself that she'll hold back from attempts to go further. It is a paper thin lie.

Kylo Ren is steady, still, calm. Her anticipation of more is making her shiver within his hold. "Go to sleep, Rey."

Warmth of him seeps into her skin and counters the chill of crossing the clearing. "Thank you, Kylo."

"In the morning we'll start plans for getting the crystals."

 **A/N They could have separate sleeping arrangements if they wanted, but I don't think they want it like that.**


	7. Chapter 7

When dawn comes, Rey cracks her eyes open, but doesn't want to leave the warmth of the bed. The cabin is chilly and this spot with her companion is cozy. He is sleeping soundly. She can sense it by his steady heartbeat and slow breathing.

If she could redo yesterday, she might have started the day by having a second round of sex. It might have changed the mood, lightened the tone of their later conflict. She decided that the conversations might have been unpleasant, but they ultimately necessary. When this completed she would return to the Resistance. He was returning to the First Order. Neither liked that eventuality, but neither of them wanted to capitulate.

She owed him. He didn't have to come here. He didn't have to teach her anything. He could have forced her to his side eventually if she was willing to recognize her training deficit. Is he relinquishing his leverage or tempting her. He wants her as his apprentice, but bides his time. He's proving his value. He's maneuvering her to acknowledging he's right. Can she do that? See that he's right?

Kylo Ren is dark. She knows this objectively. It is more complicated than one thing, one emotion, or motive. He harbors dark plans and thoughts. Is she part of his dark plans? Darkness makes him capable of incredible and terrible things.

"You're awake," he mumbles sleepily.

"Did you hope to convince me to come with you when we leave here?"

"Yes," he's awake and his awareness is fully with him. "It will be your choice, but I want that."

"You could have captured me and taken me prisoner," she lightly hypothesizes.

"That approach has failed in the past." He seems unperturbed about the observation.

"I brought it up this time. I guess I cannot complain that you keep badgering me," she frowns.

"You've been thinking about it seriously. What are your questions?"

"I will not join the First Order," she tells him. It isn't the push back it seems.

"Then don't join the Order," he concedes. "You can be my apprentice and leave the governing to me."

"You'll go after my friends. I cannot stand by and let you harm them."

"Are there even 30 members left of the Resistance? I can postpone efforts to find and kill them."

She twists around to face him because he needs to register the annoyance on her face. "That is hardly a reassuring response."

"We're sworn enemies. Left unchecked they will come at me. I will respond in kind."

"You have used your power and strength to harm others. I cannot ignore that."

Kylo stills. "If you refuse to be part of overseeing the governing than you may not interfere."

"What if I can't do that?"

"I'll spank you and send you to your room without supper," he cavalierly dismisses. Also not any kind of serious answer. He's humoring her thought experiment. He doesn't believe she's going to come back with him.

"The hell you will," she spits.

"Try me," he digs. He kisses the tip of her nose but then shifts to rise.

She feels compelled to get out from under the covers, too and carefully straightens the bedding. He watches her do this very manual task. She then goes to the ruck sack with her clothes and begins to take out fresh items for the day. He tells her to leave the dirty clothes and he'll have the service droid on his ship clean them today. They both get dressed for the day and then look at the options they have for food.

As they eat, he formulates the plans. "You understand the raw Kyber crystals are have a strong effect. It's why this is not a solo expedition."

"Because two intoxicated people are better than one?"

"You will be inclined to make reckless moves as you get closer. You have to heed direction. Promise that now, or I won't go with you."

"You are so controlled it doesn't touch you?"

"I have one linked and used in my weapon. It inoculates me with regards to the strongest effects."

"This is like showing me the meditation. You feel superior."

"I am," he says without pause. "I was schooled in all of this for years before I undertook coming here. I trained with two masters who excelled in Jedi craft. I will not apologize for knowing this better than you. You have yet to make the promise I require."

Her esteem wishes to thwart him, but he is probably not playing. "I will heed your instructions while we're retrieving the crystals."

"Good." He'd expected argument. "Can you use climbing gear?"

"I'm a scavenger," she asserts. "This is a skill I know better than you."

His probing look turns a hint of a smile. "Sort your gear and I'll show you where we're heading."

"Why don't we land a ship near the place and dispense with the climb?"

Kylo Ren grins. "That would hardly be a pilgrimage if we handled it like that. The crystals wreak havoc on the ship sensors. We could manually fly it, but when we have raw crystals in our hands the mechanics will likely fail. Better to go up on foot and bring them down. If it was easy lightsabers would be for sale in street bazaars."

"You're looking forward to this," she realizes as they lay out their equipment.

"I like the physical challenge. I don't like climbing, but the rest of it appeals to me."

They divide common gear and he acknowledges that the first while is trails. He describes the few large carnivores that inhabit the area that she should be aware of. She speculates that they could drive them off with the Force and he shrugs.

"We shouldn't. This is their territory and they belong here. We can pass through without disturbing the balance."

"Do Sith care about balance?"

"I'm not Sith," he corrects her.

"You were trained in Sith lore. You know the answer," she reasons without disputing his correction.

"They care at high levels, not at the base individual level."

"That doesn't make sense."

"The overall fabric of the Force doesn't hinge on a single thread."

Rey thinks on this for a moment. "I don't think the Sith understand textiles very well."

Kylo Ren grins at her comment and shrugs. "Perhaps not. We'll be out there several days. Do you feel you can manage that?"

Testing the pack weight she shrugs and nods. "Yes."

He settles the cabin to close it for the time they are away. They finish putting on the outerwear for their hike and shoulder the packs. He leads her and the trail she'd walked to the bluff is the start. It is just after sunrise and the morning is sharp and sunny. The sky a mix of orange and lavender.

"The weather maps show the next few days will be favorable."

Rey had no idea he'd checked that information. One of those times he went to the ship. His long legs propel him across the ground, through the snow, with deceptive ease. Her own regular gait is brisk, but she needs it to stay in step with him. She quizzes him about the crystals and the saber colorations. The one from Luke had been bright white light. His crackled with red glow. She had seen holonet clips of green sabers. It was all curious to her.

"There are different grades of crystal. Are you hunting for a particular color?"

"I don't know," she isn't in the habit of considering colors. "Do the colors have different capabilities?"

Kylo's shrug is lost in the pack. "The weapon is an extension of the warrior. It becomes a part of you. There are blue, white, red, purple, green and yellow. In the end, it is more important that the crystals resonate for the warrior."

"The crackling your weapon makes seems different than others."

"The crystal is flawed at its base. The crossbars are a venting of the plasma energy that is misdirected."

"But the length of the blade doesn't seem degraded by the flaw," she isn't an expert on crystal matrices, but she's seen the effect of bad crystals in propulsion or communication.

"It was a potent vein of red crystal. Even flawed it makes a powerful blade. I could not cut an unblemished shard, but it didn't matter. It was more than enough for my needs."

The weapon is part of him and the shard that powers the sword is flawed. It hisses licks like flame. It is intimidating whether it is in his hands or not. The design recalls older heraldry. He purposely invoked that history.

"What do you mean resonate?"

"You will be drawn to the stone you will need. It will sing when you approach. It's something of a siren song. That's the other reason you take a companion. If it thralls you too strongly, I'll pull you out."

"Thrall?"

"You will hear the song of it and it will draw you in. The song will perfect your cutting. If you allow the Force to guide, it will hone your efforts to what you need."

"The crystal of your sword sings?"

"Yes. Every time I ignite it I hear it."

"I didn't notice that," she's been close to it more than once. It is terrifying to have it wielded against her.

Thinking about it, he pauses and palms the hilt. He comes behind her and wraps her hand on the hilt covering it with his own. He ignites it. The first she feels is a low hum she associates with the working of any of the blades. Then the softer sound beneath that.

"You called my weapon once and it came to you. You must be able to sense it."

The act had been desperate and her rage was so strong. She hadn't known more than that the weapon was in her grip. She'd been elemental at that moment trying to fight free. Now in this quieter moment with no threat, holding it, she heard the wordless music.

Kylo has gone quiet. He doesn't have to lead her further. She's found what he's instructing her towards. He lets her absorb the feel of how the nature of the crystal weaves with his energies, and hers. As the blade moves lightly in the air he feels the register change. He extinguishes it and gently removes it from her grip while she is still dazed. He clips it to his belt and doesn't need to be facing her to know she's frowning.

"This is mine. You cannot have it."

Her pout is a powerful thing and she directs it fully at his turned back. He's been free with all manner of things he'll offer her except the weapon. She could sense the affinity between the device its maker. It was artful in the way it bound them together. How had she been oblivious to that song? Her connection to Luke's weapon, really Vadar's she reminds herself, was not the same. It was intermittent at best.

"Talk about what you've figured out about the book," he redirects her. She imagines he does this so that she doesn't formulate some elaborate plan to kill him in his sleep and take the saber.

"I figured out I can't read it," she provides an exasperated sigh.

"Last night you were insistent that we not use machine technology to decipher. Why?"

"You don't sense the same?"

"I didn't study the books while on a mystical Force convergent island. No. I didn't have the impression it should be interpreted by a person."

Rey huffs. She doesn't retract her direction. "You said we could meditate and try to uncover it."

"Yoda would have said that the purpose will reveal itself given sufficient time. The trouble with his guidance is that he lived hundreds of years. He could have been talking about a time span that outstrips our options."

"Or we could ask Maz?"

"Just a hunch that the wily pirate could provide understanding." He hums. "She's wicked clever. Her price if she agrees will be high. I'll have to figure out how to make sure her request is something I'm inclined to hand over."

"What?" Rey interjects.

"I'm not just going to show up there without putting some factors in my favor."

Kylo reaches back and chucks her chin. He finds her innocence about how to negotiate endearing. She is worried he means some form of violence.

"Armed response with Maz would backfire. I did it last time because I just needed to take something away. This would require her cooperation and she will dig in her heels if I try to strong arm. Restraint will be needed."

"I thought you might like her," Rey thinks of his wistful mention the night before.

"She's remarkable and intriguing. I've always admired her. There was a time when she was fond of me, but I think you correctly noted that time is over. If I want it back I'll have to mend bridges."

"Or turrets."

"Or those," he shrugs. "Describe your efforts to study the book."

Rey talks about the sacred tree that was used to store the small collection of books. The mist that blankets the cut between the stone peaks. She talks about the smooth stone steps that lead up to the temple, the mosaic at the bottom of a pool of water. He gives her his attention. He is taking in everything she conveys. She wants to still obscure the location. She is worried about what it would mean if he knew how to find the island.

"A whole island that is a convergence," he remarks as she describes the cave she tumbled into.

"We encountered each other through the bond while I was there. It felt like you were with me."

"Those same times it seemed like you joined me on the Finalizer. You don't know the layout of my ship any more than I saw the contours of your island. It's a strange effect when we meet through the bond."

"How come it didn't go away when Snoke died?"

"I studied the history. Bonds are rare and durable."

"Durable as in distance, or time?"

"From our experience, distance is no obstacle. It seems unlikely you and I were near one another recently."

"How long do they last?"

"What I read makes me think it is permanent."

"We'll always be connected through it?"

"We might be able to temper the way the link manifests. We've strengthened it enough to have contact, maybe we can change it in other ways."

"Like only happening when we intend?"

"That would be useful. I think there is a way for it to become more internalized. Interacting as a mental voice rather than a full apparition."

There are points to how this might be good, but Rey had become used to seeing him, and there was reassurance in what conveyed from his features. There were small moves of his mouth and his eyes that soften his sometimes harsh words. She has to admit seeing him wasn't the worst thing.

"Did my appearances disrupt your work? Did people not understand what was happening?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Most of them happened when I was alone. I started to have a sense when they were coming and was able to separate myself."

"Me too," she nods. "I would miss seeing you. Just a voice would be very different."

"Less intrusive," he remarks. "Intimate in other ways."

Damn his choice of words. It was an arrow straight in the heart of what was unsettling. Her strange, uncontrollable secret relationship. She'd grown close to him in complicated ways. So much so that when she came here she didn't hesitate to tumble into a deeper even more personal type of connection. What would it feel like to have his voice in her head? They'd done it briefly during the game, but he was also right in front of her.

"How do you know the trail when the snow obscures all the markings?"

He points to a place high up into the mountains indicating that is his general target. If they head towards that it will take them in the general direction and as they get closer he is expecting the song of the crystals to take over guiding her.

 **A/N Thank you for the feedback. I am glad for the responses.**


	8. Chapter 8

The early going isn't bad. There is snow, but it is light and fluffy. It rolls away as they make their way. The nature surrounding them is gorgeous. Comfortable silence settles between them. She follows his steps. Rey's experience with snow is limited to the time on Starkiller. She kicks at it and experimentally. She watches how it tumbles and rolls. When she's lost track a snow missile thumps into her chest and she realizes Kylo has thrown it and is forming another. She quickly copies his move and returns fire. They spend several minutes in a mock battle.

Finally, his long arm catches her and pulls her close. He kisses her and grins, effectively calling a truce. "Come on, let's keep going or this will take far longer than the time we have."

"How soon do you have to get back?"

He eye rolls at that question. "I'm Supreme Leader of the First Order. I shouldn't stay gone too long. I don't want to have to reassert my position by breaking all my commanders into pieces. The longer I am away the more likely they are to try and replace me."

"Would it have been better not to come?" His tone is light despite the recognition of consequences.

"You refused come to me. If I showed up where you were, the results would have been unsatisfactory. This was the only way to meet up with you that wasn't combat related."

"You're funny," she deadpans at his understatement. " _Unsatisfactory._ "

"Someone would have ended up dead."

"You would have arrived with guns and soldiers," she guessed.

"Not necessarily," he challenged. "But then your people would have tried to kill me…and I would have made them regret that attempt."

The confidence bordering arrogance is his calling card. She cannot think of him without this emboldened concept of his capabilities. "I would have stopped them," Rey offered.

"Do you hold sway to that degree?"

"They are my friends. I would only have needed to ask."

"You think I'm overconfident," he shakes his head.

"You are," she doesn't even think the comment requires side-eye facial expressions.

Kylo Ren's lips tighten as they press together. He is not disagreeing. "Practice your mental barriers. You've been letting it slide."

The observation is accurate. It is hard to save a piece of her concentration towards maintaining mental shields. Rey's thoughts were about her growing attachment towards him. Her unspoken notice that he's made personal sacrifice to be here. She supposes she doesn't mind if he knows she's noticed. She extends the acknowledgement even as she follows his instruction.

"Are there any dangerous animals around us?"

"A few," he admits. "Not high life forms. Brute types."

"Does the Force provide anything to overcome that type of danger?"

"Your wits and fighting capabilities."

"What about mind control?"

Kylo thinks about it. "It doesn't work because our thought patterns do not match theirs. We cannot give them commands because our minds are alien."

"Oh. I was hoping we could overpower them."

"We can," he repeats, "but it isn't a Force trick. It is just weapons skill. It works for non-talented, too. Your staff should serve."

"Does the Force provide any kind of warning?"

"Yes," he acknowledges. "I've been monitoring ahead to ensure we do not wander into the path of something large and fierce. Sending your senses ahead can give important opportunity to respond."

"What about behind?" she looks back along their trail. It would be easy for anything to follow."

Kylo lectures her about the point that an animal might be curious, but that they are unfamiliar and self-preservation encourages most animals to not indulge curiosity. She sighs.

"You spend effort maintaining your mental shields, scanning the forest ahead, answering my questions…"

"Walking and chewing gum," he summarizes. "Yes. It takes discipline and practice. You are only just gaining awareness, but using it effectively is also about sustaining different aspects. If you allowed me to teach you, I could show you these capabilities. Even if the books address the skills, a living breathing practitioner can evaluate your efforts and guide you."

Rey sighs. She is starting to realize this quest is so that she can gain crystals to make a light saber and for him to try and enlist her as an apprentice. He's persistent. From the safety of her reinforced shielded mind, she toys with how such a change would go. They dissolve as she recalls his temper, his sharp mood swings, his violent objections to her dearest friends.

"How long does it take to learn what you need to show me?"

"Jedi trained their younglings for years before assigning them as Padawans to a Jedi Master. The Master Padawan bond carried for years until the Master judged their apprentice ready to face trial before the council."

"Years?" she is dismayed at the scope of time.

"I was Snoke's apprentice for 8 years, Rey. His tests in the final years had more to do with severing my old ties and ensuring I was his tool. That moment when I killed him in the throne room was a desperate move. If he'd intercepted my strike we would both be dead."

"What if I do not wish to continue training for such a long time?"

Kylo Ren keeps walking forward so that they do not have to have this conversation with each other studying features for every crack and fissure. "Training is difficult. You have to commit to the effort. I will not even consider undertaking it unless you provide some manner of assurance you will see this through."

"What kind of assurance?"

Rey has been a slave and will not accept indenture. His shoulders tense in awareness where her mind has gone, she thinks. "What would you offer?"

She should hand it to him. He's clever enough to let her form her own cage. "Would the First Order stop hunting and killing the Resistance while I train with you?"

He does her the favor of not agreeing immediately. "I won't act against them, but if they attack I will defend my holdings."

"For as long as I am your apprentice?"

"Rey," he slowly speaks. "The Resistance is crippled right now, but if I know anything of them, they will regain their numbers and resume their efforts. A cease fire won't sustain more than a standard year. They will lash out to show the wider universe they've survived. I cannot ignore direct attacks. Do you understand this position?"

The discussion has gotten serious beyond what she is comfortable with. He's accused her of seeking father figures. Is he the newest such person? She does not think of him that way. She didn't before they hit it, and now that she knows him in this very personal fashion, he'll be many things but never a father type. She veers the direction away from dire matters.

"Can I call you Ben?" she asks.

"No," he shifts with her mood. She thinks he's irritated by the question.

"Too bad," she is disappointed. "I like that name. It's friendlier."

"I'm not friendly," he remarks. "Or have you forgotten."

She purposely recalls his actions as they crawled into bed together last night. His warmth and gentleness. He gives a noise that makes it clear he's picked up that train of thought. She grins. Serves him right for intercepting.

They keep going and she begins to run low on water. She frets and he shakes his head. "Melt the snow to replenish your canteen."

"The snow?"

"There air is clear on this world and the snow is clean. It can serve."

She scoops up some snow and tastes it on her tongue. It is crisp and maybe a hint of sweetness. She's amazed at the idea then shoves some into her canteen to create a store. She's had water of much more questionable purity while on Jakku. She would have paid a fortune for this quality.

They never move especially fast, and the trail never gets difficult, but the day runs long and her legs ache from the effort. She's spent too much time inactive while watching it rain. She carefully snips the name of the world out of her thoughts. She sees Kylo Ren recall and grimace about the hug Finn and Poe gave her when she departs.

"I don't have other romantic entanglements," she dryly cuts.

"Don't be so sure," he proscribes. "Finn and Poe both would welcome a chance with you."

"Finn is with Rose," Rey is annoyed by his assertion.

"He met you first, and he would fall in love at the barest hint of reciprocation. The commander is even less circumspect. He does not require your encouragement."

"What?"

"You are blind, Rey," he mutters. "I only ever see them through your mind's eye and I know they harbor feelings for you."

"Ridiculous," she argues but he pays no attention. He has something in a pot over the small stove. She moves closer feeling the heat radiating from the device and smelling the welcoming scent of the food he's preparing.

"Set up the tent and then put all of the provisions in a tight pile and activate the shield."

"Why don't we just put it in the tent with us?"

"Food could lure a big animal into our space and I would rather not lure them to where we're going to sleep. In fact keep the pile over there. That's a reasonable distance."

She does as ordered and activates the small dome shield. When he offers her a bowl of stew she finds the aroma inviting. Rich meat and thick broth. She thanks him and they sit and eat. When the meal finishes, she offers to clean up and put away the items. He concedes and removes the book from the pack and takes it inside the tent.

When she has finished she shakes off her heavy coat and kicks off her boots in the entry of the tent. She ducks inside to find Kylo sitting and studying the book. The pinched crease between his eyebrows tells her it isn't going smoothly.

"We should do the meditation," he remarks before she can ask about his efforts.

He points to a spot and she takes a seat and he adopts the same posture. He nods that she should begin and she tries to clear her mind but can't help cracking her eyes to see he's not just observing her. He's seated, looking comfortable, balanced and serene within moments of starting. She sighs and stiffens her posture and simultaneously releases tension in her shoulders and chin. Her goal is to find the meditation sweet spot before he can prod her.

When she lets herself loose to the energy flows it is like plunging into a river. It sweeps her from the concerns of her small, insignificant body. It is like she's rising back up towards the sun of this world with its hazy violet glow.

/&&&&&&&/

"Come back now, Rey," a voice penetrates and she is irritated to be drawn out of the peaceful oblivion.

"I'm back," she grumbles. "What?"

"That was long enough. You are going deep under the influence of the crystals."

"I wasn't drunk or altered."

"What did it feel like?"

"Peace," she described. "Calm, peace."

Kylo's expression is surprised. "Can I see?" he asks.

His request seems odd. "You were just meditating."

"I finished two hours ago," he tells her. "You seemed thralled."

The amount of time shocks her. "Two hours ago?"

"We started longer than that. I let it linger but it was getting to be a long time."

No wonder her legs are stiff and back up his statement. She notes the sun is fully down now. She moves closer to him and he stretches out a hand towards her temple and he slides within her thoughts.

"Seductive," he mentions. "Nothing jarring or overwhelming, but it overtook your autonomy."

"You don't feel this when you meditate?"

"Not like that," he mentions. "You can try to tap that sensation from me."

An invitation to take a memory from him. She pushes at him with none of the subtle grace of his effort. He rides the wave of her effort which is as much throwing her mentality at him as it is about drawing his out. He relents by giving her the thoughts she's seeking. It tumbles into her. She tries to manage it and subsume the sensory data he is providing.

Rey glimpses his experience. His efforts are calming. He feels the flows and they wash over him but do not sweep him away. It is refreshing as it clears his mind. He never loses his grasp on his surroundings even if he is making those concerns more remote.

"You release yourself in a way that is more complete than me. I don't know if that is good or bad," he intones softly, aware she's still feeling his experience.

Kylo Ren isn't shoving her mind away despite his native tendency to guard himself. She catches fluttering other images from his past. They fly past her minds' eye. She cannot focus on them. He lets her see without pushing her out. It's not so different then that time on Ach-to when she reached out to the apparition of him and they both felt contact.

"Will you allow me?" He is seeking the same permission.

He doesn't need her consent, but he's being proper. She affirms and his push into her is not so different from the intimacy of sexual conquest. As the comparison comes over her he seeks to overlap the two experiences. His lips find hers and his hands restlessly skim over her. They chase the chill she was feeling from ending her meditation. They begin working off her clothing. Her own hands span over his chest and wind up his neck and the fingers tangle into his loose curls. She could undress him but she's preoccupied riding the wave of his attention.

There is a feedback loop happening she's feeling his reaction to feeling her and vice versus, only neither of them can keep it up. The loop is too much and she finally pulls back. She can either feel what he's doing or have his experience, but she cannot simultaneously have both. Kylo catches his breath.

He kisses her forehead and says what she was thinking. "Being with you is too new. That is amazing but distracting."

Rey nods and gathers her wits. They are doing this again. He is another kind of thrall for her. He overtakes her and her inclination is to respond to him. She fights and argues but none of those are deeper than this pull that brings them together. When she senses the bond wakening.

"Mine," he repeats as he also acknowledges it. He lets his head dip to her shoulder, nuzzling her neck.

She could give him the same word back or accept his with another. "Yours," she softly whispers against his ear. He shivers noticeably.

If she was smarter she would twist him around her finger and make him relent to her, but he's done those things and she wants to reciprocate. She is proud of her strength and independence, and still is drawn to his wish to protect and care for her. She has never been able to trust anyone to do this and it has hobbled her ability to behave like a regular person. She has no idea if his actions would mend that failing within herself, or if he is just equipped to handle her deficit the same way she accepts his.

"I don't have deficits," he murmurs, proving he's still tightly linked.

"You do," she says in a voice that slides like silk. "They make you human instead of a monster."

"My darkness," he credits.

"The things that make you accept darkness," she discerns. "I love you Kylo. I need you."

Kissing him while riding the relief of saying what she's been trying to stiffle is glorious. She accepts him; cares for him regardless of his past. He came clean about this the first night and she's been stubborn and let it remain unspoken, but giving up that is secret is freeing.

The after is long after. It is the quiet, small hours of the night. She is pressed along his entire body. Skin to skin contact can still jump start her nerves, but she's played out for the time being. Her hair is damp with sweat like she's been working a wreck for hours. Her muscles feel the tired thrum of hard work finished. He's made her work for their pleasure. He has, too. The tendrils of his hair are sticky with the same dampness and cling to the side of his face. His eyes are shut but he hasn't dozed off yet.

"What could you figure out about the book?" She draws him back to when she first entered the tent.

"That it's an old book in a language I don't know."

"Ah," she senses his frustration. "Is it really possible to glean its content by meditation?"

"I don't know," he admits. "It has inherent power. I can feel it. You must, too. It wants to be understood, but it isn't a being whose mind I can unlock.

"Is that what you do? _Unlock_ minds?"

"When I'm not granted entry," he is using the best analogy he can for how he works to pry loose thoughts. "Snoke thought of it as stripping away layers, but it is also possible to slide into and know things without forcibly tearing them out. Snoke preferred the trauma of his method. He wanted his subjects to feel the loss. Damaged minds are not always as revealing as you need, so I practiced the alternate approach."

 _The book wants to be understood._

Rey hadn't considered this. She reaches past him and picks it up. She lets herself find that aspect he's recognized and then she begins to think of how it acquired this. Of the writer that placed the words on the page. Without expecting she feels a cold graze and a cough.

"You could at least get dressed girl." She jumps in shock of a brittle dry voice. She lurches upright in alarm spinning to face the presence. Ren shows no similar alarm.

Kylo still locked to her understands what she's reacting to but cannot see or hear it. She snaps the link shut and the figure vanishes. The expletive that lurches from her is the crassest language that Kylo has ever heard from her and once he knows they are not in danger he relaxes and laughs.

"Well that was promising."

"What the hell was that?"

"Ghost," he assesses. "Haven't any of the ghosts visited you, yet? There are a few. You should at least encounter Luke."

"Never," she is alarmed. "Ghosts?!"

"Yes. They may be dead, but their spirits linger. Mostly to admonish those of us still around."

"You've seen ghosts?"

"More than once. I'm waiting for Snoke to make his presence known. He hasn't, yet. Maybe it's just a feature of the light side. I've seen Han, Luke, and Anankin. Spoken to them. Not recently. You've called this older master and he answered. Too bad we didn't expect the company. That was bad manners."

"He was real?"

"They happen and they talk like themselves and sometimes say things that could not be delusional. Luke described his experience with this, too."

"So there's what an afterlife where they all hang out?"

"No idea. They appear like self-satisfied assholes and lecture. Then they flit away."

"Do they talk to each other? Is Luke going to find out you and I…"

"I don't care what he thinks," Kylo growls lowly. "But I do care about whoever it was you summoned."

 **A/N I started reorganizing the materials to avoid mid-conversation break. It might slow my next installment as I reset the rest. Hope you like.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Picking up from where our intrepid team left off. Thank you to the folks who have reviewed and those of you who chose to follow and indicate if this work was a favorite. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you.**

Kylo rises and begins to pull clothes together so that he can be fully dressed. She copies him and they restore the small tent space to reasonable order and place a few lanterns. This time they conduct the summoning together.

"You again," the voice crinkles and then remarks. "You owe me an apology for before."

He's short in stature and he appears in homespun simple robes that sweep to the ground. He is human in features, but his coloring is bluish black pointing to a variant. He wears spectacles that perch on his nose. He casts his gaze at both of them.

"I am sorry, sir," she lacks a better address. "If I'd known I would have been prepared. I am very, very sorry." The red of her cheeks backs up her embarrassment.

"Master, you careless cricket. I am Master Dithansis."

"Master," she corrects. "Did you write this book? We are trying to find a way to read it."

"Yes, yes," the man's robes swirl as he motions broadly with his arms. "My book. I wrote it. What do you mean you cannot read it? Don't they provide education to you whelps anymore? Civilization is truly so disrupted?"

Kylo moves into the conversation. "Master, they teach us several languages, but this is not standard or one of the common tongues. Rey does not think this should be interpreted by our translator programs."

"Not at all! No!" The man is firm. "Jedi wisdom is not laid down for machines to decipher. It is for those trained in the Jedi way. Only those who make personal study of the book are entitled to its secrets."

"You were right," Kylo asides to Rey and this causes a flicker of annoyance on the ghost's face. "Can you help us to understand it?"

"I could read it to you," the old man shrugs. "I hardly wish to instruct, but I could repeat the passages."

"Excellent. Can we…" The old man began and the two looked at each other.

"Sir, Master," Rey briefly interrupts. "Perhaps we could begin this when…"

"Now or never, Padawan."

She shoots a glance at Kylo who rolls his eyes and nods.

"Now, please," she bends to the old man who begins to recite.

"Will he follow us to the stove while we make breakfast?"

Rey puts on her boots, heavy coat and then lifts the book and begins to walk outside the tent and the old man follows.

"Good," Kylo determines.

"Stop talking while I recite," the old man barks.

They go for the rest of the day without saying a word to one another before the old man comes to the final passage and finishes.

"There you have it Padawan. Are you satisfied?"

"Thank you Master Dithansis. Can I ask you questions?"

"My time in this world has come and gone. What I could pass along is contained in the book. Should I recite it again?"

Kylo shakes his head emphatically. Rey scrambles to recover. "I need to reflect what you have written. Maybe later. Thank you."

As the ghost vanishes both of them start laughing. "Hells bells, that was odd."

"What do you think?" Rey had struggled with the metaphysical extrapolations of the ethical boundaries of Force manipulation.

"Dry as hell, but had some interesting points. I don't think modern Jedi posit their understandings exactly the same way. He was much more objectivist than absolutist."

"You are sounding like him, now," Rey frowns. "I never studied philosophy and I'm not sure it is necessary."

"Thinking about thinking," Kylo Ren reduces. "It's intellectually rigorous, but practically speaking most people carry through their lives only ever dealing with what is directly before them."

"Then why do it?"

"For one," Kylo stretches. "I have to rule other people, so strictly speaking, my own thoughts on a matter are insufficient. The practice of contemplating other points of view informs my methods and persuasions. For a second, some ethical dilemmas are best practiced in the vacuum of thought prior to action. A knee jerk response can seem fitting only to cause more harm than good in the long run."

"You are going to be just like him some day…showing up and scaring the crap out of unready Padawans." She doesn't like the last word.

"Dithansis only comes back to read the book. It's like a Jedi bedtime story…except I think he'll flay us alive if we ever try to summon him while we're in bed together."

Kylo Ren's smiles at her reduction and isn't so touched by embarrassment as Rey. "At least it wasn't Han or Luke."

He hugs her to slough off squirmy edges and insecurities. She relaxes into his hold and there is something akin to meditation of just feeling his hold and returning it. Rey has grasped for so much and always felt this basic contact torn away.

"I'll make food if you get the rest of camp settled."

She agrees as she releases her hold. When the food is ready Rey sits with him and tries to have a normal meal. She compliments the dish before they finish. She smiles but cannot bring herself to small talk. The food is good. Better than she's used to. The feeling of eating enough to satisfy sinks into her bones.

"How long were you a slave?" Kylo has waited until they are cleaning up. Maybe he isn't used to small talk, either. This isn't small talk.

"I've been free 5 standard years."

There were different reasons to hold slaves on Jakku. Unkar Plott had wanted her tiny frame to help better crawl into places retrieving salvage parts. As a child she'd been skilled at this and required fewer resources to maintain. She'd been half starved and beaten regularly. She had to learn what parts mattered and what didn't so she came back with things he could sell. She was fortunate he didn't think of her as pretty. Her ill temper reinforcing the decision she wasn't worth pressing to sexual services. She'd gotten out from under him as she hit womanhood physically. She considered it imperative to break out of his hands before he sold her to someone willing to recalibrate her purpose.

"Do you know how old you are?"

"Sort of," she admitted. "Not exactly."

He's appalled that she lacks basic detail about herself. She's lived with this and it doesn't matter. Not really. It speaks to things that she's handled and suffered, but the number that indicates her time in the world says nothing about her time in the world.

"I might be able to find out," he tells her.

"Don't worry about it."

"It bothers me," he tells her. "You were an innocent child and everyone around you allowed that to happen."

"Slavery isn't against the law on Jakku."

"It should be," he sighs. "It will be when I get back."

Rey thinks he's kidding but his face is serious. He's young for a ruler, but there is something dangerously serious and erudite about his words and expression.

"It's my past. I never plan to go back to it."

"You never will."

When they are finished eating and cleaning the utensils, Kylo leads her out to the clearing. He fusses with the lay of her hood and collar then hands her down so they can both lean back in the fresh clean snow. They are both looking upwards. Their heads are close together and their legs point away in opposing directions. The sky is going to first stars and she wishes on it. A childish habit she had from always.

"I can hardly remember what my parents look like. I remember Mom's hair, and Dad's hands and voice. The rest isn't clear anymore. Just the way we parted."

There isn't a reason for laying on the snowy ground looking upwards except that they are here and they can do it. He can show her a practice for reconnecting to memories. It would allow her to comb the archive of her mind for lost features and details. She doesn't want this. There is nothing in those recollections that would comfort or console her regarding the years of deprivation and loneliness.

Kylo Ren has lots of memories about his family. They are not often happy, but they are numerous. He tells them to her without any inner monologue about how he wished they been better times, better interactions. She greedily takes in the stories of younger Ben, Han, and Leia. The rough outlines sounded idyllic to her.

The coolness of the night is held at bay by the warmth of their well-designed textiles. But the chill is reddening her cheeks and nose. When he's hit a pause in his stories, she tugs him back so they can retire to the tent. This desert girl notices cold more than her companion.

"Have you ever heard of Master Dithansis?"

Kylo Ren shakes his head as he thinks of the old man who ostensibly walked the day with them providing a running account of his ancient text. "I read several histories but do not recall him."

"You said you encountered other ghosts. But you didn't summon them."

"Never," Kylo shakes his head. "I would never voluntarily seek Skywalker's input."

Rey sighs. "Do you think it's really a dead person's spirit?"

"Yes." He doesn't bother trying to explain why or what it might mean.

Kylo repositioning himself around her from behind. He eases his body closer to hers and seeks to pick up the thread of where her mind goes while she is drifting. She relaxes and leans back against his chest accepting his arms around her.

"No calling ghosts. If any show up uninvited it is their own fault for not making an appointment," he nuzzles her ear as he mutters this.

His strong fingers with their rough texture rasp at the thin layers of her clothing. He works her strings like a puppet masterviolin. His actions pull her from relaxed to engaged. He savors the shift he has triggered. They relieve each other of the constraints of clothing.

"You are so deliberate when you put your hands on me," she breathes soft appreciation.

"Does what I'm doing excite you?"

"Yes."

Easing her down against the thick rug set before the fire, Kylo Ren's questing hands position her hands high above her head and hold them. At first in his grip and then she feels coils of force circle her wrists as he frees his hand from the task and pins her using the Force.

"This is that thing you warned me about?" She pulls and her arms will not budge. That first night he'd teased her that she shouldn't encourage his unrestrained approach.

"Hmmm." He's preoccupied sucking the pulse point along her neck and it makes her knees, even though not currently responsible for balance or erectness, go rubbery.

"If I let you have your way with me…"

"Are you objecting?" he breaths softly. "I promise you'll like what I'm going to do."

"Then why are you holding me down?" She believes him. Her impulse to keep talking is nerves. She isn't comfortable with this turn even if she is not afraid of him.

"I like the way you look when you're like this," he's leaned back and his eyes are dilated in evidence.

"You need help," she whines and it alters into a mewl as he nips at her shoulder. The sharpness accenting the sharp tingle.

"You could help reform me," he mumbles. "Come back with me."

"Not fair," she proclaims. "You cannot drag promises out of me during sex."

"I have to do it when your defenses are down," he rumbles.

He's treating this lightly but there is an undercurrent. She puffs a harsher breath as she shakes off the spell he's creating. Casting a gaze up towards her trapped hands she snaps his force grip. "No to both of these games, Kylo Ren," she hardens her eyes.

Kylo stops kissing and he's taking stock of the change in her. He pulls upwards taking his weight off of her. "I didn't intend to frighten you."

Rey is irritated that he's assessed her as scared. "Do I seem scared? I love it when you touch me and we have sex. I don't want you to cultivate the darker side of your nature when we do it."

Despite her reassurance the mood has chilled. He rolls onto his back and checks his urge to override her. There are flashes of frustration and anger leaking from his usually contained psyche. Phantom flashes of what he wanted, what he's fantasized. He has every right to think she's acting scared. He is an idiot for presuming that conquest and submission are something women automatically enjoy.

"I am not an idiot." He really hates name calling. She hasn't even said it, but he calls her on it anyway.

"Fine," she tells him trying to reassure him. "You don't understand me, and I am not like other women you've known."

"You're a novice regarding sexual play," he accuses. "You have limited imagination where it is concerned."

Rey's turn to frown. "All right, _Master_ ," she drawls the word and manages to get the corner of his lips to turn up a fraction. "That is true, but I know when I don't like something, and you have to believe me."

"I stopped when you asked. I didn't hurt you."

Rey touches his chest and leans down. "I know. I'm glad for that restraint. Let's figure out things we both enjoy."


	10. Chapter 10

"How are your climbing skills?" he asks as they assess the cliff.

"Good. How are yours?"

Her habits as a scavenger mean she's expert at ascending and descending. It does not especially matter if the obstacles are manmade or natural.

"Passable," he says with a tone that is not his usual self-promotion.

"I'll go first and set the anchors?"

Kylo's command of the Force gives him compensating skills that overcome his deficits, but Rey's talents are less arbitrary. She manages to head up with minimal materials and does a very efficient job of laying places for anchoring so that shortly after she starts he is able to follow her. They are tethered in a way that if she loses her grip he can arrest her fall without relying on force powers. He hears her explain this strategy and confesses he is confident he could arrest a fall if she had one. She has no such confidence in her command.

Rey gains height with seeming effortlessness. Her companion makes slower but determined advances of his own. As the day stretches the work and strain of gaining altitude narrows their focus. As they reach a reasonable plateau, he calls an end to the day's progress. Making the camp, he has her set the tent as he makes their food. It's only a few days but the routine is simple.

"I feel the hum of the crystals now," she tells him as she is eating. "It's pronounced."

Kylo Ren nods in response. "I notice it. Have you been following it during the climb, today?"

"Yes." She didn't consult, but was fairly certain he expected her to do this.

"Do you know anything about the crystals we are moving towards?"

Rey has mostly felt it as a tickling thrum in the pit of her stomach. Something giddy and encouraging that is like an emotion except she knows it is a thing drawing her. She fumbles for words and then she moves his hand to her temple in an invitation for him to experience it. He slides into her and unlocks more than she's recalled.

"Gold," he sighs as he pulls back. "You are seeking yellow crystals."

It wasn't obvious to her that she'd received images until he says it aloud.

"Does it mean anything special?"

"There is an suspicion that the colors come with intrinsic strengths that match the Jedi, but no one has ever spent time exploring this aspect that I've discovered, and too few exist at any more to make a reasonable investigation of the facts."

"When we find them, how will I cut them?"

"You will fight the effect of the thrall, but still allow the song to help guide your blade." He pulls a device from his pack. It is small plasma cutter. "I am keeping this because the closer we get the more your self-control will degrade."

"I'm not careless."

Despite her words, she feels strong pull. Even now, she wants to continue climbing at night despite knowing how dangerous that type of travel on unfamiliar ground would be. She holds out her hand to examine it. She confirmed how it operated, then turned it off and returned it to him.

"Once you have them, you store them and we climb back down. Then you use the space at the cabin to fashion your lightsaber. Do you understand the basic design of the weapon?"

"I examined the parts of Luke's saber. I understand how it works."

"Do you need any further information on the design or assembly?"

Rey feels confident she can produce the workings. "We build it before we depart?"

"You build it, he corrects. Tradition," he imparts. "If you prefer, we can skip ceremony and build it away from Ilum."

"Did you make yours in that cabin?"

"Yes."

"Does it matter?"

"I don't think so," he shrugs. "I dislike ritual for ritual sake, but there is more about the kyber than is easily explained. There could be a purpose behind the practice. If you want to follow the practice, do it."

"You built your weapon after you joined Snoke."

"Yes," he acknowledges. "I was fully vested with the dark side when I created the broadsaber."

"Can I see it, again?" she asks.

He palms the hilt and passes it to her. Staring into it will sting her eyes. There is a white hotness below the red veil and it is intense. She feels soothed by the energies coiling around her. The hissing static of his blade keens. His hands cover hers and he extinguishes the ferocious fire. She sighs as it goes out.

"It's so much a part of you."

She's lets out a low breath. The song within the weapon even briefly calms her. "You feel it, too. Blades can be used by any wielder, but Jedi create bonds with the weapon they build from this quest. You've shown affinity towards two weapons you did not make."

"Next time we play tug of war," she isn't being bitter or challenging.

"Start the meditation," he tells her. She moves to take a seat and rather than sit across from her, he places himself directly behind. She can lean back against his chest. His breath against the back of her neck makes loose hairs brush against sensitive skin. His lips touch the shell of her ear briefly, but he does not further encroach.

Rey shivers at the touch but follows his instruction. Every muscle is weary. She wants to rest but finds the required tension and balance that will instigate her fall into the flow of energies. Their bond wakens and it pulses through her body. She slips into a vision. A piece of history, she realizes because the vision is of a younger, happier Kylo Ren. He's shirtless, lighter in the frame than his current self, no scars across his chest. He's dueling with staff against another young man. They are fighting fiercely but without anger. They trade barbs but there is friendly challenge. There is less gravity to Kylo in this earlier version. His eyes are unserious.

"His name was Bailin," Kylo supplies to her unasked question.

"Was?" she hears the misgiving.

"I killed him the night I destroyed the Temple. I would not allow him to stop me."

"He was your friend," she sees it easily in the small vision of his past.

"If I ever had any, he was one," Kylo's phrase hints at his doubts and this makes Rey wonder. Her first presumption is he doubts her friendship, but revizes her assumption. He distrusts his feelings and memories of that time.

She seeks for the sources of uncertainty. They liked the same girl. They competed and Bailin kissed her first. Ben had been jealous, disappointed, pricked by the way he was bested. The rest are half-heard suspicions and unchecked paranoia. Rey sees Snoke's hand and realizes that it wasn't rhetorical about his infection of Ben's mind. His taint polluted the young man's mind. Fed his fears and anger.

"I didn't realize this when it was happening. Now that Snoke is gone, I can see it," Kylo tells her. "It is still hard because the memories of people and events happened with that lens."

"How did he try to poison you with regards to me?"

Kylo Ren shifts. "He berated me for failing to overcome you. He made me feel inferior."

These are difficult for him to admit. They are raw and sensitive areas, but the very things that gave Rey the capability to have such comparisons made draw his attention. He was challenged by her strength and potential. He was drawn even as he feared the comparison.

"You regret acting under Snoke's influence?"

Kylo shudders noticeably. "I am responsible for what I have done. He manipulated me, but I failed to see through his orchestrations." He blames himself.

She twists and touches his face lightly. It would be easy to deflect, but he carries his burdens. Further arguments are futile.

"We'll reach the crystals tomorrow," she tells him.

Kylo nods and forgets to return to meditation. He lets his hand find hers and this simple contact travels through her. Rey isn't used to the way it holds her in more ways than one, but she likes it.

When she first encountered Finn he'd grabbed her hand repeatedly, succeeding only in irritating her. It's different with Kylo.

"Will you treat me this way after we leave here?" She wondered.

He takes stock of how they are. His hand squeezes gently but he doesn't voice reassurance. Separated, they can achieve the pale phantom of this level of contact. It had seemed more solid before coming to Ilum.

/&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&/

As the morning carries on Rey becomes more and more locked in on the action at hand. Kylo is working to keep pace with her climb and if she even remembers she has company she hasn't shown it. She is single-minded as the thrum gets more distinct. Like a magnet she is pulled and she is practically racing, now. When she hits the ledge she impatiently unhooks her gear. As Kylo gets level ground her eyes are casting fixed stare to an opening in the cliff. His hand on her shoulder startles her.

"Take a deep breath, apprentice," he commands her. "I know you feel it. Steady, now. _Look. At. Me._ " Those last three words with more force because he can see he isn't reaching her.

"Kylo," her eyes are dilated. She's flushed. Her mind is scattered and she's driven, but he forces her to regroup.

"Remember why you are here. Do you remember?"

"I need a crystal to make my light saber," she is hunting for each word. Struggling to hold his gaze. Her hands are flexing she is jittery.

"I am going to help you do this," he tells her clearly. "Hold while I remove this gear. Count down from 100."

"What? Why?" The idea of delay is distressing.

"Do it, Rey," his tone goes hard. "Count."

Rey begins the numbers in a tight voice but she's stuttering. The effects are very much riding her and it is all she can do to handle simple instructions. She tries to concentrate so that she is counting, breathing and trying to release the tension.

"The pull is strong," she stammers at 75. He concedes with verbal hum. He is unfastening his gear as quickly as he can and while it is faint by comparison he notices a tremor in his hands that he attributes to the pull of the crystals.

"I am going to tether you to me so we stay together. It is to keep you safe. Nod that you understand."

Her head makes a short tense bob. He clips the same lines that connected them around her. It is crude, but should allow him to arrest the worst of her mad dash. If this doesn't suffice he'll reign her in by paralyzing her motions.

"I know there is only one thing you can focus on right now, but prepare what you need for the cave ahead. Get out your light."

She is practically in tears with her frustration to move ahead but she's only down to 40 and he's making his own provisions to handle her. When she is at the final twenty he stands before her and tries to have her slow her breathing. The pull is tearing at her.

"Easy," he finally gives her leave to move forward.

Testing the limits of the line he's placed on her she is able to navigate far more easily than him. The uneven ceiling and tight passages do not give him ease. He feels his skin crawl at the cramped spaces as they make their way into the depths.

Still stuttering, "Y-y-you d-don't like-k-k c-c-c-on-ff-ff-inement."

He grumbles at her capacity to pick up something from his usually well guarded psyche. "No. I don't. We must be close given how you are reacting."

"H-horrible," she sputters because _it is horrible_ is too many syllables.

"Yeah."

The act of moving, of knowing she is getting closer, takes a bit of the edge off of the insistent demand that has overtaken her. Rey cannot even fume over those minutes where Kylo commanded her like the Supreme Leader he is, to count. Treated her like a _fucking child_. She's mad about that but not mad enough to say anything or lash out.

Now he has this rope locked around her. Clever bastard has secured it with a lock that will take time to undo. Instead, she will pull him along after her. Without even thinking she's moved as far ahead as the line will let her.

The hum is a sound, a vibration, verging on a feeling. It gets her wound tighter. So close, and if she can just reach it…. A slow drunk part of her reminds her she wants to cut a piece free so she can forge her weapon. For a long time she'd imagined these sabers were an accessory that went with the outfit. Nothing more than a part of the mystique of being Jedi. Luke's light sword had called her and it had saved her life in the forest on Star Killer base. Here, on Ilum, she's gotten the quieter link that Kylo forged with his. The broad-saber is connected to him and the Force flows through it when he uses it. She wants that, now.

Ahead she can hear rumbling but only as she comes into the cavern and her headlamp bobs at the undulating wall does she figure it out. The underground river is flowing quickly through unfollowable caverns that intersect the ones they've been walking. If she had not pointed at it, he would not have sensed the opening behind. Damn. No way to stay dry while doing this.

"Strip your coat, gloves, and hat."

The pained expression makes him start enacting his instructions while she stands there mute. "You need something dry when you come back out or you'll freeze."

"Is it within rope length?" His attempts to shine the light bounce back without revealing anything helpful.

"I don't know," she holds out her hand and he passes her the cutter.

"Talk to me while you cut so I know you're still with me," he instructs.

Gathering up the slack in the line she tentatively steps forward. The idea of moving into the wall of water is a bit daunting to her desert born senses, but the call cannot be ignored. She slides forward and as she emerges on the far side she's shivering but is not caught in the darkness she expected. As she comes out of the waterfall, the small cave is glowing.

Large spiky clumps of yellow crystal thrum and sing to her. She wants to let it wash over her senses, but the cold of her skin disrupts the euphoria. There is a pull at the line still gripped in her one hand and faintly she can hear him calling her.

"It's here," she formulates. This causes the tugging motion to subside.

Walking towards the soft glow, the line plays out and she looks at it irritated. There is no way she will reverse direction and revise his plan. Stupid plan anyway. She looks at her other hand, and flicks it on and slices the line. Enough of that.

What did he tell her? How does she do this? _Sing._ She has to sing back to the stones. Her chilled, overworked system chokes out her first effort, but she takes a breath and then finds note. The faint first sound of it causes the crystals to bloom with stronger light. She strengthens her effort and the living stones answer her with welcome.

Fumbling with the plasma cutter, she becomes aware that a shirtless Kylo Ren has made his way into the cavern. Shaking off the water and relieved to see her. His eyes snap to the resonating shards but straight back to her. She ignores him and moves forward. He'll make her stop if she doesn't do what she came for…she doesn't want him to interrupt.

"Hold the note," he tells her. "It will guide your cut."

They never talked about size or shape of what she would cut but she knows the casing that holds the shard, and has a sense of what she'll need. The hot light of the cutter descends into the gold glass and the hum she hears back alters, and she panics that it will become distressed and angry. If her hands are unsteady or waver it will destroy the perfect matrix that built in the depths of these caves. Calm, she needs to stay in control. Control. The words echoes in her head that can barely hold onto any thoughts while she does this.

Kylo has come up alongside her. He holds delicate forceps. With them he lifts away the product of her cut, the treasure of her quest. A small piece that will come away with her. She wants to hold it but he deposits it inside a small foam cradle in a box.

"It's here." He speaks in brief direct sentences. "It's safe. Let's go."

Rey reaches for the container. She wants it. He withholds.

"It's safe. Follow me out."

"I want it," she stammers.

"Not until…"there's more but she hears _no_ and the rest fuzzes."…mountain."

"Kylo," she bursts as her hands reach and he easily moves it beyond her outstretched hands.

"Follow me."

He has taken the cutter back, and she looks back at the stones. Maybe she can… She feels darkness overtake her as her knees collapse.

 **A/N Sorry if the end is a little disjointed. I wrote it from his point of view at first. One more chapter for this item. Thank you for the reviews and words of encouragement.**


	11. Chapter 11

Rey stirs and as her mind engages she wishes it hadn't. The cold has sunk so deep beneath of her skin that it is physical pain. Every muscle tightens trying to push it out and generate some inner heat. Her blood feels sluggish. She cannot think of anything but she tries. She cannot stay like this.

Her coat and hat have been shoved back on her body, but the placement feels wrong. She wraps her arms around herself and inadvertently swats her companion.

"I need to get your wet clothes off," Kylo growls at her.

His words are clipped and he is shivering, too. He moves with clumsy, rough motions; unlike his customary methods.

They are not in the cave anymore. They are on the plateau where they spent the night before. The tent is around them blocking wind, but every wisp of air cuts like a knife. She's useless as she curls in a ball. He strips his own wet clothes off and then battles with her rigid pose. He strong-arms her and then rubs his hands roughly along her upper arms. He takes up the blankets and settles them around her shoulders.

"Are you ok?" he speaks sharply like this isn't the first time he's asked.

"No," she sounds thin and complaining, but then she moves closer to him.

His clothes are covered in frost but thawing to damp in reaction to the inner heat pouring out of him.

The picture they present sounds like an invitation to be intimate, but there is nothing about this that is pleasant. She's stiff and muddled. When either of them move it feels harsh and forced. She finally uncurls the arms and puts them around him, but she squeezes tight and desperate. She was afraid exposing her center will lose what small gains having her arms around her provided. Like an animal instinct, the moment she recognizes his warmth she drives at it, no matter how it complicates what he's still trying to do.

There is a grunt and he's muttering. "I need to get the heat stones fired up." He is trying to switch on portable element that they'd used to ensure their shelter was reasonable. Rey doesn't care. He can do that later. He doesn't understand.

"No," he snaps at her as he feels her bluntly try to stifle his movements using concentration and the Force. He takes her chin between his fingers and forces her face up to meet his. He looks ragged. She can't remember climbing down the cliff. He's pale and cold, too, and fighting with her to resolve their problems. He's trying to preserve their lives.

"Sorry," she releases him and huddles in a ball letting him act. "Sorry," she repeats. She can't make her mouth work reasonably.

Once the heat stones are on and close. He shakes out the blanket and then beckons her to return to him. She burrows in close against him and his arms fold over her. Both of them just breathe and wait the interminable time needed for the cold seep away.

"How did we get here?" she feels like she should know and can't imagine how she handled rappelling.

"I knocked you out and carried you down." He speaks bluntly. "You were not thinking clearly and we couldn't afford to waste time."

"Like on Takadona?" she is still chattering, but less frantic.

"Yes," he admits. "We need rest. We're in no shape to travel any further."

"Where is the crystal?" She suddenly worries the point of this expedition was left behind.

"In a case in my pack," he tells her. "Leave it until you've rested."

"Who came with you?" Rey jumps to something she's realized. Now that she's come this far she recognizes how right he'd been that she needed a partner for this pursuit. He'd been prepared. It spoke to experience he had not imparted.

"Snoke," he reveals. "It was shortly after I burned down the temple. He rewarded me for winning control of the Knights. Later I took my second when he needed to build his weapon. I've done this pilgrimage as both apprentice and master."

"Does this mean I'm one of your Knights?" she is rambles the thought as soon as it bubbles up.

"The Knights of Ren don't pursue the Light, so no. I want you for my apprentice." Two ideas that he don't belong together.

Rey is fading from the exertion. "I'm not like your knights in more ways than one."

She means to add more context and substance, but she drifts away from the conversation and both of them drop into exhausted sleep.

/&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&/

 _Where is it!_ She bolts to full awareness from deep sleep. She gets a tickling sense of the crystals she harvested, and immediately that is not sufficient. The heavy weight of Kylo's arm across her isn't enough to fully pin her but as soon as she starts trying to free herself he begins countering.

"Hold still," he commands her.

"Where is it?" she echoes the words.

"It's safe. It's close. Steady."

"I have to see it," she is jittery and unnerved.

Grunting, he pushes up and she tightens the blanket around herself. Not so much modesty as not wanting the return of that previous cold sensation. There was a time once, in the desert, when she'd run out of water and was in distress as she fought to overcome the deprivation. It had been a close call that time. She'd fought the surge of panic.

Kylo shakes out the materials in his pack and pulls the black box free. He returns with it and crawls back beneath the cover of the blankets. "I never want to be that cold again."

"Let me see." She's found her eyes fixed on the box since he rose to retrieve it.

"Look. Don't touch," he commands.

"Why?" She challenges but breathes a sigh of relief when she can see them. He holds them back, from the hand that reaches.

"Not until you place it in your weapon. It needs to be clean and unblemished. It is fragile right now until you secure it in the housing and activate the device."

"You didn't mention it would feel like this."

"It's hard to warn someone who has never experienced this kind of effect," he admits. "Some feel it more so than others. Like everything else, you seem to take it to extremes."

"The crystal in your weapon protects you?"

"Yes," he concedes. "This pilgrimage only happens once. If you return to gather another shard it won't be the same. Even if the saber you make from this shard is gone. You only ever receive the call once. After that there can be affinity, but nothing as strong as this hunt. The connection you form from completing this hunt is unmatched by any other opportunity you will have. Even though Luke's weapon responds to you, it isn't the same as a crystal you sought out, cut, and fashioned into your personal weapon."

"Will it be different when I wield the sword made from this shard?"

"It becomes more than a tool. It is an expression of your Force command. When you are using it will resonate with the Force around you and attune you to it more closely. The point of doing this once you are trained is so that as those energies are unleashed you are capable of commanding them."

"I'm barely trained."

Kylo considered her assessment. "You are not a child. You have better command than your circumstances ought to allow. You would benefit from more, but your managing." He stops short of encouraging her to join him, again.

They dress and strike camp. She has little interest in leisure now that she has this at hand. She is driven to finish. It lightly touches her mind that she should be glad the pull is not back into the caves of the mountain, now. She knows her mind isn't clear, but she can hold her purpose. Her companion teaches her to technique of Force jumping and the cliffs they have ascended are quickly behind them.

He demands she clean up when they reach the cabin. Take care of herself in other ways, too, such as eating and sleeping. She knows he did not do this on his pilgrimage. She has visions of him exhausted and laboring to complete but manic with the need.

She settles into a more controlled state and arranges tools and materials on the low table including the shattered remains of Luke's weapon. He leaves the cabin rather than observe her undertake the construction. She bends to the task and with cutters and welders and manipulators and wires she begins at the core of the device and works her way outward.

Hours later she has set down the hilt and turns to the remaining materials. She frees the shattered shard from within the old framework and it splits into two uneven slivers. She contemplates and then she knows what she must do. She bends to the purpose and within a short time has fixed the two on separate lanyards.

She places them in her pocket and then hefts the hilt and considering the space around her knows she must go outside. There she encounters Kylo returning from his ship. He looks from her face to the device in her hand.

"Have you ignited it, yet?"

"Not yet?"

His face breaks into a smile. "No chance it will explode?"

"None," she is confident so she will share his amusement.

"What are you waiting for?"

Rey stretches out her arms and touches the trigger. The whoosh of it is like a wave that rocks across her senses. The note she sang earlier is in her ears, now but she is certain it is auditory hallucination. The weapon opens her bond to Kylo as it seals its connection with her. His strong presence overlays with the chorus of energy that roars around her. It is a golden shaft of light. It bathes her face in warm color.

The projection is solid and smooth. As she slowly moves it thrums with the telltale cut of the plasma weapon. Underneath it she feels it move the energies of the force around her. The grip of her hilt is a match for her hands and the weight of it pivots easily with the lit device so that it moves and swings easily.

"Steady, Rey," he intones. "Amazing."

Taking a deep breath, she channels her concentration into the same sense she has during the Force meditations; open to the energy, dissolved within its currents but still herself. She will depart Ilum a more capable adversary than when she arrived, but she does not think of Kylo Ren as her enemy.

Snuffing the blade she feels the shift instantly and it is like a hard punch.

"Shit," she proves she has exactly zero solemn reverence and that makes Kylo laugh.

"Heretic," he proclaims.

Sliding the newly fashioned weapon to her belt, she steps up to him and throws her arms around him in a manner so similar to how she greeted him. His return of the gesture is not reluctant or measured. He's pleased with her success.

"I retrieved messages while you worked. Something has happened, and I have to go back," he is serious and not happy to be recalled.

"Is everything all right? Are you going to be in danger?"

The moment of flicker on his face gives away any chance he can game her by playing to her wish to protect him. "It's unrest within my officer corps. It was bound to come about and me being out of the picture for these days just encouraged them to act out. As soon as I return it will be dispelled."

Rey waivers. She could not have done this without him. She didn't even know how much she'd needed him, but he had. He'd told her all along. Maybe she is foolish to go back to the Resistance. Then she straightens. Going with him will put her in the midst of the First Order. There is nothing about that hypothetical situation she can handle, but she wasn't expecting this to come about so abruptly.

"I…" she fishes the two chains from her pocket and hands one to him. "Thank you for everything. This is for you. I may stay a little longer and harvest a new crystal to restore Vader's saber, but this crystal cannot serve any longer. Will it be safe enough for me to go?"

"I think so, but if I don't hear from you in a few days, I will come back and haul you off that mountain," he looks at the towering peaks. "Again." His final words somewhat teasing but still weighted with his imminent departure.

Kylo looks at the item she's placed in his hand. It has gone cloudy from having been shattered during their standoff on Supremacy. In his hands though, there is still a faint, phantom of its pulse responding to him. That she's giving a part of it to him touches him. He so desperately wanted it to the point of destroying his grandfather's saber. He slips it over his head so it can settle against him then places the match on her.

Rey shouldn't offer this blessing to the Supreme Leader of the First Order, but if anything, Kylo Ren has erased the word enemy from her concept of him.

"May the Force be with you," she kisses his cheek and holds back the impulse to be tearful for his parting.

"May the Force be with you, too, Rey. Always."

Prolonging their goodbye will not soften the conclusion. She steps off the ramp and he prepares his ship to depart as she walks back to the cabin. She gives a small wave as the thrust starts to pull him skyward.

.

A/N This was intended to be a minor adventure. It was so tightly focused on Rey and Kylo and with no regard to the others that populate this world that I reset them back to their respective corners at the conclusion.

I don't outline my stories. I lay out an opening scene and let the action unfold. When the story resolves itself I run with it...otherwise it becomes a meandering endless collection of sequences. I want to be respectful of my readers and write pieces to conclusion. This story isn't a sad ending...but I do understand it isn't happily ever after, which might negate the fluff description.

Thank you for reading.


End file.
